Can someone figure this out?
My WS says that he sees his affair as an exit affair. That he wanted a divorce before he had the affair.
This doesn't add up to me.
At one point during his "fog" he told me "the main reason I wanted a divorce was because of her".
Well, which came first, the chicken or the egg?
He says that he never meant for it to be about sex...ok, so if it wasn't going to be about sex, why divorce me at all?
I thought he was starting to understand why he did this.
Here's why it affects me:
If he wanted a divorce before he ever got close to her then why should I stay now?
If he wanted the divorce to be WITH her, and realizes now that it was just an affair fog, then rationalized it by saying he had already wanted a divorce, that feels different to me.
Am I just splitting hairs here?
He is VERY conflict avoidant. I also think he was having a midlife crisis.
He says that he didn't have sex with her until AFTER he filed for divorce but the very next day he asked the attorney to change it to separation to "see if he wanted to be married" and denied that he wanted either of us to date anyone while we were separated.
I have asked him about the timeline, but he says he does not remember.
I have already filed for divorce, but he's been NC for 3 weeks and we have been talking through things.
I don't know why it pisses me off when he says this stuff, he's just trying to be honest.
Should it matter what TYPE of affair it was?
Help me think this through...