There were other things, though, that either didn't match up with the truth as he has told it since DD, or were omitted from the story. I have done a lot of matching with my texts from that time, the calendar, credit card bills, etc, so I'm pretty sure about this stuff.
We are hanging in there since DD, both seeing IC as well as weekly MC. I am as sure as I can be, under the circumstances, that he has had no contact at all with her. I have all passwords, total phone access, and he has spent all of his non-work time with me. He even falls asleep before I do. He seems to feel awful, despairing, regretful, and says he will do anything for me not to leave. I am sure he has not told me about the discrepancies because they are especially embarrassing or he "doesn't want to hurt me (or himself) any more"
He has said he will talk about and tell me anything, and I would like to ask him about this stuff. But I feel embarrassed, because it was kind of sneaky to look at things he deleted. Of course, he sneaked around, destroyed my life, as well as risked my health, so a little information gathering isn't so bad. Or is it?
Latest DD - April 2013, PA
The tricky part is whether or not to disclose what your sources are, at the risk of him trying to cover stuff up even more thoroughly.
If you want to bring the deleted texts up, fair game. If you want to let him know that you know more than he is telling, that is fair game, too.
Perhaps discussing this ahead of time with your MC to figure out how to address it might be a way to go?
Best of luck to you. So sorry you are dealing with all of this.
You had every right to sneak, he gave up his right to privacy when he decided to do what he did. Don't feel bad about sneaking, you are just trying to put your wandering mind at ease.
Do not go back to burying hurtful or distressing things. I would assume after all this hell you want a marriage that is open and honest from here on out. That openness has to come from you too. You have to be able to say the tough stuff even if you are worried it might make a mess of things. I had a hard time too being this way at first. I am a worry wart and was trained from a very young age not to rock the boat, to keep my dissatisfaction to myself. Well look where that lead me!!!
Ask all of your questions, your mind will only rest until it feels you know this will never again happen to you. Only you will know when that has been accomplished.
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
Ask about the differences. Not only do you deserve the truth, but it is imperative for your wayward to face the reality as well. It is hard. It might suck. But it is really important that you do it.
On a different note, how did you get the deleted texts back? My WS insists that it's not possible on an iphone, and he says that I should trust him because he's a tech geek.
Some things weren't actually as bad as I had feared, and there were some that were worse, but I feel like we may finally be getting to the actual truth.
Thanks again. I would probably suffered on for weeks without y'all's advice.
My WS insists that it's not possible on an iphone, and he says that I should trust him because he's a tech geek.
Yep, and so honest too.
At one point I had to push my WH to tell me something he was denying or holding back on even though I could not prove it, and could not MAKE him remember a password to another aol acct he claimed to have not used, and since forgotten.
I simply told him this was a problem for me that was not going to go away and if he was serious about us staying together I needed to know all the details.
A short while later he miraculously remembered the password "Try xxxxxx" , he said as if that MIGHT be it, you know, the one he had probably used 1000 times or more.
He thought I would open it and see nothing, no activity and believe that he had set it up long ago and never used it. Imagine his surprise when his OW's 4 different screen/user names were sitting right there in his contact list- oops!
It wasn't that I didn't know and he hadn't already admitted he had taken up with her again, it was more the fact that he wouldn't admit to this account because I had asked him about it some 2-3 months earlier, this acct that popped up on his gmail one time when he transferred something to it, and he had blown me off, had no idea what it was, where it came from etc. He tried to tell me he was reading email on his phone and tried to send something to his gmail acct and doesn't know how that email address got into it. It was not like any of the other addresses he had used before and he thought he was being really clever that time.
Why don't they know they will always get caught?
2 grown sons, 1 grown step-son
Last DDay, March 19, 2013 after a few weeks of TT- trying to have a new marriage after almost 35 years.
No more chances.