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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: He's hot......and I might chicken out. :/
GrievingMommy
♀ 28127
Member # 28127
Exclaimation  Posted: 5:08 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been chatting with a guy for two weeks now. He'd like to meet, and I'd like to as well (bummer is he might be moving away in November). The problem?? He is HOT...as in model hot (literally, he's done fitness modeling). He is well spoken, etc.

I've been told I'm beautiful, but I've always been hard on myself and self-conscious of my body. Why? I have no idea. I've never been teased about how I look so I don't know where it comes from. I'm working on losing weight as I have some to lose. It's almost like if I'm not the perfect weight, no one, especially him who is very fit, will find me attractive.

He seen very recent pics of me so it's not like doesn't know what I look like (from mid chest/waist up at least).

I'm seriously thinking of not meeting with him. I don't want to let him down. Plus, I know confidence is HUGE when it comes to how we portray ourselves....and if I feel shy/inferior, I think it'll show.

This sucks.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 5:36 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
click4it
♀ 209
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want to let him down

Hey! Don't put yourself down like that. He better try not to let YOU down.

Just cuz he's hot like a model does not make him better than you.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
TrulySad
♀ 39652
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go have fun! This isn't about him. Go into this hoping he doesn't disappoint you . Don't rely on his reaction to establish your worth.

I'm not aware of your story, but most of us here are here because someone we were with, didn't respect us and appreciate who we are. Just because he's "hot" doesn't mean he's worth your time. Go out, have some fun, see if he is worth getting to know more.

If you have a connection, great! If not, there are so many other men out there waiting to be given the chance.

Good luck!


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 493 | Registered: Jun 2013
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand this. I'm also told I'm beautiful, but I seriously struggle to see it. I think I'm more of an "acquired taste" because I have a slightly arsty look. (short, very blond hair).

I always afraid that once they meet me in person, they won't be attracted. Maybe my photographs look a little too good? I had one guy said, "Unless you are a pro at Photoshop, I'm not too worried". ( I only had one or two photos up and asked him if he wanted to see more before we met.)

Seriously, you are more than a body...you are a soul. My guess is that he likes your SOUL. He isn't just a body, you aren't just a body. I've heard from plenty of guys that they look at the "entire package", as long as there is something they are physically attracted to, the "flaws" aren't that important.

I like guys that are 6 foot+. Does that mean if a guy is 5"7 I'm not going to meet him? Nope.

If he self-selects out because of your looks, then he is a shallow, self absorbed prick. I'm guessing he won't.

Just remember, he is already attracted to you.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4283 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do not sell yourself short. Let him experience the awesomeness that is you.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7865 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
kernel
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This isn't all about looks. If that ends up being the most important thing to him, then you don't want any part of him. Don't sell him short though - he might be just as insecure as you are. He might also be sick of people that are only attracted to him because of his looks. So, go into it with an open mind and have fun!

eta: Yay for you!

[This message edited by kernel at 6:50 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5337 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good advice on this thread GM. I've felt exactly the same way by the way.

I've never been petite, but always had some shape, and recently a little more than I'd like. And it affects how I feel I look, primarily because I'm a size up from my comfort zone lately.

I agree, meet him, worst case, you have a nice time, and don't move on to a second date. But I doubt that, unless he has the model vanity to go along with the looks, in which case you will pass.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4714 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
EvenKeel
♀ 24210
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guy who is too hot intimidates me too. I am way more comfy around the average person.

Just because he has done fitness modeling and seems well spoken does not make him perfect...he will and does have flaws as well.



Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2274 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Weatherly
♀ 18222
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You never know what he likes though.

Before I met Aussie, I dated an aeronautical engineer who had a 6 pack and ran marathons for fun a lot of weekends. (Like, traveled out of state to run in them!) He and I saw each other off and on for a year or 2. And, there was the soldier/firefighter who was so good looking I couldn't form sentences around. I went out with him twice, and then couldn't get rid of him! I tried pointing out that he could find girls with way better figures, and he should have women lined up, but, not me, because I wasn't interested. But he was.

I'm telling you this, because, they both KNEW I wasn't in shape. They both knew I wasn't even just a "little" overweight. I'd have to lose 75 pounds to be just a bit overweight. They were both single, never married, no kids, they knew about the Monster Brothers, and were great about working around my schedule. They both knew I had crooked teeth and was pretty shy. It didn't matter at all, apparently.

Hot fireman I turned down, and hot, smart marathon runner and I just kind of fizzled out, but in neither case did ANY of the things I was insecure about have anything to do with it.

Go, enjoy. Maybe he likes girls who aren't super in shape. Maybe he really likes what he knows about you. Maybe you will get there and hot model guy will be annoying and hot and you'll be the one not interested. You won't know unless you try.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4505 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how old you are but one of the things I enjoyed about dating after my X was that it seemed that there was a lot less about my looks.

Some of the men I dated cared more than others but most of them weren't focused on it. It was such a nice change. Relax. Enjoy.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8547 | Registered: Apr 2008
AppleBlossom
♀ 38541
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met my fiance online, and the photo he posted was...okay. I was attracted to his written profile and his interests, so it didnt matter to me.

A few weeks later he sent a photo of him that a family member had taken and he was hot, hot, hot. I remember panting and texting my friend saying "OMG, he is hot and I am 42 and squishy and five years older and I have three kids and stretch marks and my boobs dont pass the pencil test". In person when he walked up my drive the first time I was peeking at him behind a curtain squeeling into my hand because he was so damn GORGEOUS. I was so nervous I couldnt open a beer.

We are getting married next year. He loves me for me. He liked me for me and who I was. He is the one person in my life that sees me for all that I am, and has bothered to get to know me - and he loves me more each day.

I have to say one reason he loves me is because I have been around the block a few times, I am at peace with my body, my age, and I know what I want in the sack! With age has come wisdom and confidence. That is what a good man and partner likes.

Go for it. Enjoy.


Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
GrievingMommy
♀ 28127
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all of the replies and great perspective! I should save this as I know I'll need it down the road. I'm so happy for you AB!

Unfortunately, I won't be meeting up with him. He wants a FWB deal and he's probably moving in a few months. Sorry, that is too tough for me. I get attached and I DON'T share. lol Sooooooo......back to the drawing board.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 9:44 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
gma56
♀ 19595
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get attached and I DON'T share
Me too. I won't compromise or settle for less than I want.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20387 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
Topic Posts: 13

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