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GrievingMommy posted 8/27/2013 17:08 PM

I've been chatting with a guy for two weeks now. He'd like to meet, and I'd like to as well (bummer is he might be moving away in November). The problem?? He is HOT...as in model hot (literally, he's done fitness modeling). He is well spoken, etc.

I've been told I'm beautiful, but I've always been hard on myself and self-conscious of my body. Why? I have no idea. I've never been teased about how I look so I don't know where it comes from. I'm working on losing weight as I have some to lose. It's almost like if I'm not the perfect weight, no one, especially him who is very fit, will find me attractive.

He seen very recent pics of me so it's not like doesn't know what I look like (from mid chest/waist up at least).

I'm seriously thinking of not meeting with him. I don't want to let him down. Plus, I know confidence is HUGE when it comes to how we portray ourselves....and if I feel shy/inferior, I think it'll show.

This sucks.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 5:36 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

click4it posted 8/27/2013 17:13 PM

I don't want to let him down

Hey! Don't put yourself down like that. He better try not to let YOU down.

Just cuz he's hot like a model does not make him better than you.

TrulySad posted 8/27/2013 17:38 PM

Go have fun! This isn't about him. Go into this hoping he doesn't disappoint you . Don't rely on his reaction to establish your worth.

I'm not aware of your story, but most of us here are here because someone we were with, didn't respect us and appreciate who we are. Just because he's "hot" doesn't mean he's worth your time. Go out, have some fun, see if he is worth getting to know more.

If you have a connection, great! If not, there are so many other men out there waiting to be given the chance.

Good luck!

cmego posted 8/27/2013 17:41 PM

I understand this. I'm also told I'm beautiful, but I seriously struggle to see it. I think I'm more of an "acquired taste" because I have a slightly arsty look. (short, very blond hair).

I always afraid that once they meet me in person, they won't be attracted. Maybe my photographs look a little too good? I had one guy said, "Unless you are a pro at Photoshop, I'm not too worried". ( I only had one or two photos up and asked him if he wanted to see more before we met.)

Seriously, you are more than a body...you are a soul. My guess is that he likes your SOUL. He isn't just a body, you aren't just a body. I've heard from plenty of guys that they look at the "entire package", as long as there is something they are physically attracted to, the "flaws" aren't that important.

I like guys that are 6 foot+. Does that mean if a guy is 5"7 I'm not going to meet him? Nope.

If he self-selects out because of your looks, then he is a shallow, self absorbed prick. I'm guessing he won't.

Just remember, he is already attracted to you.

Williesmom posted 8/27/2013 17:48 PM

Do not sell yourself short. Let him experience the awesomeness that is you.

kernel posted 8/27/2013 18:49 PM

This isn't all about looks. If that ends up being the most important thing to him, then you don't want any part of him. Don't sell him short though - he might be just as insecure as you are. He might also be sick of people that are only attracted to him because of his looks. So, go into it with an open mind and have fun!

eta: Yay for you!

[This message edited by kernel at 6:50 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

persevere posted 8/27/2013 21:17 PM

Good advice on this thread GM. I've felt exactly the same way by the way.

I've never been petite, but always had some shape, and recently a little more than I'd like. And it affects how I feel I look, primarily because I'm a size up from my comfort zone lately.

I agree, meet him, worst case, you have a nice time, and don't move on to a second date. But I doubt that, unless he has the model vanity to go along with the looks, in which case you will pass.

EvenKeel posted 8/28/2013 09:31 AM

I guy who is too hot intimidates me too. I am way more comfy around the average person.

Just because he has done fitness modeling and seems well spoken does not make him perfect...he will and does have flaws as well.

Weatherly posted 8/28/2013 16:19 PM

You never know what he likes though.

Before I met Aussie, I dated an aeronautical engineer who had a 6 pack and ran marathons for fun a lot of weekends. (Like, traveled out of state to run in them!) He and I saw each other off and on for a year or 2. And, there was the soldier/firefighter who was so good looking I couldn't form sentences around. I went out with him twice, and then couldn't get rid of him! I tried pointing out that he could find girls with way better figures, and he should have women lined up, but, not me, because I wasn't interested. But he was.

I'm telling you this, because, they both KNEW I wasn't in shape. They both knew I wasn't even just a "little" overweight. I'd have to lose 75 pounds to be just a bit overweight. They were both single, never married, no kids, they knew about the Monster Brothers, and were great about working around my schedule. They both knew I had crooked teeth and was pretty shy. It didn't matter at all, apparently.

Hot fireman I turned down, and hot, smart marathon runner and I just kind of fizzled out, but in neither case did ANY of the things I was insecure about have anything to do with it.

Go, enjoy. Maybe he likes girls who aren't super in shape. Maybe he really likes what he knows about you. Maybe you will get there and hot model guy will be annoying and hot and you'll be the one not interested. You won't know unless you try.

hexed posted 8/28/2013 17:48 PM

I don't know how old you are but one of the things I enjoyed about dating after my X was that it seemed that there was a lot less about my looks.

Some of the men I dated cared more than others but most of them weren't focused on it. It was such a nice change. Relax. Enjoy.

AppleBlossom posted 8/28/2013 21:35 PM

I met my fiance online, and the photo he posted was...okay. I was attracted to his written profile and his interests, so it didnt matter to me.

A few weeks later he sent a photo of him that a family member had taken and he was hot, hot, hot. I remember panting and texting my friend saying "OMG, he is hot and I am 42 and squishy and five years older and I have three kids and stretch marks and my boobs dont pass the pencil test". In person when he walked up my drive the first time I was peeking at him behind a curtain squeeling into my hand because he was so damn GORGEOUS. I was so nervous I couldnt open a beer.

We are getting married next year. He loves me for me. He liked me for me and who I was. He is the one person in my life that sees me for all that I am, and has bothered to get to know me - and he loves me more each day.

I have to say one reason he loves me is because I have been around the block a few times, I am at peace with my body, my age, and I know what I want in the sack! With age has come wisdom and confidence. That is what a good man and partner likes.

Go for it. Enjoy.

GrievingMommy posted 8/28/2013 21:43 PM

Thanks for all of the replies and great perspective! I should save this as I know I'll need it down the road. I'm so happy for you AB!

Unfortunately, I won't be meeting up with him. He wants a FWB deal and he's probably moving in a few months. Sorry, that is too tough for me. I get attached and I DON'T share. lol Sooooooo......back to the drawing board.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 9:44 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]

gma56 posted 8/29/2013 00:02 AM

I get attached and I DON'T share