For me..it's not necessarily the porn that is the problem(although I hate it,don't get me wrong). It's the lying about it...the hiding it..the secrecy...hmmm..all wayward behavior..all behavior exhibited during an affair.
WH used to hide his porn from me..which made no sense..because we watched plenty of it together. He would always get made.."It has nothing to do with you" I was told.
After dday,he admitted porn was/is a problem for him. That it wasn't the just the porn..but the hidden porn..because he got off on the secrecy of it..the taboo of it..he got off on hiding things from me.
So..no more porn.
He has slipped twice in the last 3 years...that I know of. One time it wasn't actually porn..but he had purposely enlarged a pic of some scantily clad girl spreading her legs on a Harley...I found it in the history. When I asked him why he felt the need to enlarge the pic(it was plenty big already),he told me he "had to" because "my own wife won't let me see her naked."
So..it's MY fault...that I know you have a thing for younger women(20-22/average age)..women who have tiny,perfect little bodies..that you tried to meet 3 of these young girls on CL 3 years ago before dday..and because of all of this I feel insecure about myself..and am uncomfortable walking around naked in front of you?
He forgets that before dday,when the kids were gone,we would have "naked days." Where we spent the entire day naked. I was VERY comfortable in front of him.
Now..because of his actions? Not so much.
Besides..he still sees me naked..he was just reaching for a way to blameshift.
The second slip was when I found a cell phone hidden in his truck..completely by accident. I searched that phone thoroughly and am 99% sure that his story was true..the contacts,pics,history,etc all indicated he was telling me the truth...he STOLE that cell out of the bathroom at work..someone had forgotten it there.(He returned the phone..I have verified this with a friend who works where he does..he claimed he found it in the parking lot..a lie,yes,but we depend on his income so...).
After that incident he admitted he was addicted to porn..he took a recommended test online to see if he is a SA..and he scored high.
He went to IC..twice. They didn't discuss his issues..they discussed what he could do to get me to just get over it. So he stopped going..why waste money?
He will slip again. I know it. Why wouldn't he? He's an addict who is white knuckling it.
Porn can be very destructive. It was the slippery slope that led my WH down the path to Craigslist. I will never again tolerate porn in my marriage.
cantaccept,he's full of shit. You should thank him for doing something he knew would hurt you? Um..what? You should thank him for breaking a promise?
And..again..he brings up what you did 7 years ago. You were broke up. Yes..you lied. Yes...it was wrong..yes he has a right to be hurt. But he does not have the right to use what you did to excuse his bad behavior.
M: June 2001
Status: Reconciled. Love my "new" husband!
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.