I don't know why I keep grappling with feelings for OM!! WH is doing lots to show he is serious about R, but I don't trust him and I'm also angry about his multiple A.
Today, WH had a business lunch meeting with a female...I think worrying about that made me reach out to OM. Now a days every woman he's around worries me.
So your husband is serious about R but you're still in your A...
Look, I get that you don't trust him and all that. What are his actions telling you? Your actions are telling him, you are not a safe person to be with at this point in time. You're still in your A.
NC, NC, NC. You'll destroy your marriage and yourself otherwise.
In the past I often called the OM. I was the one who broke the news to him about his wife and my WH. Hardest call I ever had to make!!!
I still contact the OM once in a while....mostly when I am not feeling safe. He and I have a pact that we will contact each other if our marriages fall apart. My husband hates when I call him but I always tell him when I do and why. I do not do it often....once every 3 or 4 months. I don't trust the AP and I never will.
It is ok to make yourself feel safe. I completely understand how your WH having a business meeting or business lunch with a woman would make you trigger and feel horrible. I fall into the same boat. Just be open and honest with your hubby and tell him how any contact like this makes you feel bad, uneasy, stressful. Figure out a way you two can minimize the stress and make these meetings loess stressful on you.
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
He lives 2 hrs away, so we have only called/text each other. We have never been physical. This should be easy to cut off b/c we don't see each other and we haven't known each other very long. I know I have to cut ties permanently...I'm trying, but its not easy.
He lives 2 hrs away, so we have only called/text each other. We have never been physical.
Bottom line is, it doesn't matter. You are still cheating. I think a lot of people get really hung up on the PA vs. EA thing. And yeah, my husband is thrilled that another man didn't touch me. But he is absolutely shattered that I closed my heart off to him and freely gave it to 4 other men. That blows big time for him. And he is heartbroken about it.
We were discussing it one day and he said, "You know, I think that I'm glad you were never physical. I can't really imagine how the pain from that would feel. Because I only have the pain of emotional affairs to gauge it by. And that can't be accurate. They are two separate things entirely."
If you justify that "you've never been physical", you are discounting that you are betraying your husband and the pain that he feels. Trust me, been there, done that. It's malarkey.
I know I have to cut ties permanently...I'm trying, but its not easy.
Crushed, you are worth more than this. You are better than this. Do not accept crappy ego kibbles from a loser dude that will gladly hurt another man by emotionally stealing his wife. Do not sell yourself so easily.
PM if you need anything.
[This message edited by Aubrie84 at 8:27 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]