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Newest Member: DontWantToWakeUp (45711)

User Topic: Broke down and called OM!!
Crushed18
♀ 39865
Member # 39865
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not really sure why, but I called OM today. I felt bad about it and ended up telling my WH what I'd done.

I don't know why I keep grappling with feelings for OM!! WH is doing lots to show he is serious about R, but I don't trust him and I'm also angry about his multiple A.

Today, WH had a business lunch meeting with a female...I think worrying about that made me reach out to OM. Now a days every woman he's around worries me.


Me- BS/WS(42) DDay 8/22/13
Him- FWH (41)
Married 17 years
DD #1 Spring 2009
DD #2 6/8/13
DD #3 6/21/13
Porn, OLAs, ONS, 2 LT EA/PA

Posts: 29 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are you going to do the next time he has a meeting?

So your husband is serious about R but you're still in your A...

Look, I get that you don't trust him and all that. What are his actions telling you? Your actions are telling him, you are not a safe person to be with at this point in time. You're still in your A.

NC, NC, NC. You'll destroy your marriage and yourself otherwise.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6425 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
TxsT
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crushed

In the past I often called the OM. I was the one who broke the news to him about his wife and my WH. Hardest call I ever had to make!!!

I still contact the OM once in a while....mostly when I am not feeling safe. He and I have a pact that we will contact each other if our marriages fall apart. My husband hates when I call him but I always tell him when I do and why. I do not do it often....once every 3 or 4 months. I don't trust the AP and I never will.

It is ok to make yourself feel safe. I completely understand how your WH having a business meeting or business lunch with a woman would make you trigger and feel horrible. I fall into the same boat. Just be open and honest with your hubby and tell him how any contact like this makes you feel bad, uneasy, stressful. Figure out a way you two can minimize the stress and make these meetings loess stressful on you.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TxsT, She's not calling her husband's affair partner's spouse. She's calling her own affair partner.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6425 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Crushed18
♀ 39865
Member # 39865
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To clarify...Yes, the OM is someone I've known for a little over a month and got emotionally involved with after confiding in him about my WH multiple affairs.

He lives 2 hrs away, so we have only called/text each other. We have never been physical. This should be easy to cut off b/c we don't see each other and we haven't known each other very long. I know I have to cut ties permanently...I'm trying, but its not easy.


Me- BS/WS(42) DDay 8/22/13
Him- FWH (41)
Married 17 years
DD #1 Spring 2009
DD #2 6/8/13
DD #3 6/21/13
Porn, OLAs, ONS, 2 LT EA/PA

Posts: 29 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He lives 2 hrs away, so we have only called/text each other. We have never been physical.

You have just described 3 of my 4 APs.

Bottom line is, it doesn't matter. You are still cheating. I think a lot of people get really hung up on the PA vs. EA thing. And yeah, my husband is thrilled that another man didn't touch me. But he is absolutely shattered that I closed my heart off to him and freely gave it to 4 other men. That blows big time for him. And he is heartbroken about it.

We were discussing it one day and he said, "You know, I think that I'm glad you were never physical. I can't really imagine how the pain from that would feel. Because I only have the pain of emotional affairs to gauge it by. And that can't be accurate. They are two separate things entirely."

If you justify that "you've never been physical", you are discounting that you are betraying your husband and the pain that he feels. Trust me, been there, done that. It's malarkey.

I know I have to cut ties permanently...I'm trying, but its not easy.
As the little green guy said, "Do, or do not. There is no try.

Crushed, you are worth more than this. You are better than this. Do not accept crappy ego kibbles from a loser dude that will gladly hurt another man by emotionally stealing his wife. Do not sell yourself so easily.

PM if you need anything.

[This message edited by Aubrie84 at 8:27 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6425 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
jrr111800
♂ 39919
Member # 39919
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I am different here on this thread, for one I never ever think about the OW(s). Even at its worst when my BS is venting it never crosses my mind to contact OW. I want run to my BS and hold her, look in her eyes, show her my remorse and show her that she is the one I love and want to be with. I will leave work and drive an hr home just to be there in her time of need. There is not a woman out there I feel I need to reach out to other than my wife. I can honestly say I hate the OW(s) Even if my BS decides to leave my ass those bitches will be the last I even consider contacting. I am a jackass for doing what I did, I own. Those OW, they know what they were doing and they are equally as badůso in my mind Fuck them, stupid whores. My BS is so much hotter, sexier, and better at life than them 2 tramps. I am the dumb fuck who was ego blind and could not see that. Now that I have, I have only thoughts for my WIFE no matter the situation. I am learning my boundaries and will defend them to the death to ensure my Bride understands that no matter what she does I will be her rock once again.


Me-WH-38
BS-40
Married 13yrs
DD July 13,2013
6 month EA 2-ONS


Posts: 23 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Phx
Topic Posts: 7

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