"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I just posted about this last night also.
I go to IC tomorrow, I will give you his perspective.
H also promised me no porn when he moved back in late January.
I was a huge issue in our marriage. He chose porn over me. It was awful.
Last night he told me that he was looking at porn again a couple of months ago, but not since.
I was blindsided, I thought he hadn't since he promised. I never even checked, just trusted and now I feel like a fool.
It brings up such issues of feeling "not enough", so similar to feelings from a.
I tried to explain to him and he became defensive and condescending.
"its always about your pain, why can't you thank me for not looking for two months"
After a bit, I tried again to explain it is not that I want to feel this way, I just do.
I trusted you and it is shocking to hear. I understand it has been 2 months but I didn't know, it feels like a betrayal.
He became upset and started turning it on me regarding an issue from 7 years ago. One that he says he has forgiven me for and I worked hard to rectify.(not infidelity)
He was sarcastic and condescending. He thought I should be supportive of him and his "addiction".
This is just unacceptable to me, it is not harmless in our marriage. He always convince me in the past that it was just fantasy and no big deal. Yeah, look where fantasy got us. I never felt comfortable about porn, but I pushed my feelings aside, thought I was being "silly".
If we cannot resolve this it will be a deal breaker for me.
Maybe it will be for him too.
I will not be replaced with fantasy. I have been through too much and will never be taken for granted again.
This is so hard isn't it?
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
I attempted R, he was a lie