Hi eachdayisvictory,
Welcome to SI. Sorry you have a purpose here, but glad for you that you found this site early.
I understand the feeling like the A was on me to fix. Truth be told, I carried a lot of the water for the first year while FWW got her head out of her ass and decided that she did want to stay M'd to me and to do the work.
Will you be able to trust, forgive, feel whole, love..., yes. But this makes the point that some of early effort after dday must be for the BS to heal him or her self. During this period I believe that it is too early to be working on R. In stead, I see this as a period of "not divorcing".
So long as your WH is maintaining NC, and you feel safe staying in the M, not divorcing is enough. Use this time, the next 6 - 12 months to work on healing you and taking care of your children. Set boundaries for your WS including NC, a timeline of the A if you want one, work on himself to explain his "Whys" for having the A, and to change to healthier behavior.
Read books like Not Just Friends by Glass and Sexual Detours by Hines and invite your WH to read and discuss them with you. Keep posting and reading here on SI. Watch to see if your WH's actions match his words and promises.
For now, you are doing fine if you are working on healing yourself, and "not divorcing" your WH. R can come later when you have come to a point of acceptance, and you can accept your WS as a full and equal member of the M relationship. At that point you can look at the path your WH has been on and decide. Has he owned his A, and learned and practiced new behaviors to replace his wayward behaviors? Do you still love your WH, or at least think you could learn to love him again?
Getting to R is a marathon, a long one, measured in years.
Best Wishes and keep posting and reading.