[This message edited by AStar at 8:54 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]
**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson
felt a bit like you last night as well. I am going to follow what my gut is telling me. I suggest you do the same....our subconscious is helping us get through this, thank god for that. We are on different paths but I think we just both have to look within and do what it is telling us.
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
The best thing to do is take care of yourself. If you can, do IC. Take things one day at a time.
And your WH was incredibly lucky. Incredibly. I hope he realizes that.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I am so sick and tired of things relating to his A. I felt emotionally worn down. WH desperatley wants to R. I don't know. I wanted or want a D
I am just spent. I can't focus on "us" and I just feel done. Period.
Hoping it's just a bad week for you and things stabilize.
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
I would say your WH got VERY lucky. People change their actions when the consequences are bad enough that they don't want to face those again, so I hope he learns a lot from the community service. Drinking and driving is NEVER okay..
And I think you should take a break. You really DON'T have to decide R or D right now. Lots of people "decide" to R, but end up D. And lots of people "decide" to D, but end up R. There's really no rush right now, there's no right answer, and I think his actions moving forward will tell you a lot of what you need to know. If he is "pushing" you to "decide" right now, well I don't think he should be doing that. He needs to back off and let you decide if you want to give him the GIFT of a chance at R.
I remember one particular text from STBX after S, but before I filed D, that said something like, "Well tell me now what you want to do, cause if we are over, I'm gonna start dating."
If your H truly, TRULY wants to R, he won't push you right now, he will give you some space, and he will do what he is supposed to to fix himself whether you stick around or not..
Big hugs to you..
[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 7:22 AM, August 29th (Thursday)]
There are many days I don't remember. I'm sure I looked like a zombie a lot of the time. People were asking if I was OK. I'd just say I was going through some stuff, but didn't want to talk about. Then they would leave me alone, but made sure I knew they were there if I needed them. It's getting better.
Write down the essentials to make sure you don't forget them and let the rest go until your ready.
Right now, just focus on your self. Sleep, see a doctor if you are having difficulty. Eat, drink smoothies and give your body a chance. Exercise, perhaps go to yoga or run to help work off the negative energy. I know that IC is not for everyone, but it may help to have someone IRL to talk to and and work through the pain, anger and decisionmaking.
With respect to your WH, he is to back off and give you some time to recover from two traumatic shocks. If he wants to R, he needs to show you that he is committed to changing. He has two major issues to deal with, his drunk driving and his A. He needs to be addressing the factors that led to these terrible decisions. Read books, go to IC, talk to clergy, a good steps for him to take.
Just as an aside, he talks about wanting to R but is he following through? Has he given you total transparency, NC, answering your questions?