SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

nekorb posted 8/28/2013 09:00 AM

I thought maybe we could use a POSITIVE thread here....

Maybe we can all share what we are doing to take care of ourselves and it will help us inspire one another!

Currently, I am working through the Couch to 5K training app. I've always been a walker, never liked running, I'm a horrid athlete, etc, etc. BUT I'm in week 4 of 8 and I'm still doing it! I still don't necessarily like running, but I want to prove to myself that I can do it. You know?

Also - I got some lowlights put in my hair last night- last minute- at my haircut and I'm changing my hairstyle a bit.

The benefit of the running is that I'm losing weight! I've lost about 14 pounds so far and want to lose about another 25. That will put me right in the middle of the healthy BMI range.

In 5 more pounds I'm going to wear this clingy nightgown that my husband really likes. (No matter what my weight was- he loved it!) Yeah - you heard me...he really likes it...but he doesn't want to have sex with me right now and I have put the kabosh on him seeing me naked for right now....so I'm hoping it will prompt a little bit of curiosity....and maybe jog his memory a bit.

We will see. Either way, I'm going to enjoy wearing it and enjoy the way my body looks in it without that 14 pounds or so. :)

mixedintherut posted 8/28/2013 09:18 AM

Great idea!

I have started exercising daily. I bought a Zumba program at Bed Bath and Beyond, as well as walking 2 miles a day. I have struggled with my weight since I was a small child, and honestly just kept putting it off. Not any longer! After just a week and a half of exercising everyday, I feel so much better about myself!

I have started doing my makeup and hair regularly, something I slacked off of the last 2.5 years.

I started a journal, which has helped with some of my anger/frustration.

I am planning on getting my hair colored, highlights, and cut within the next two or so weeks!

DecimatedHeart posted 8/28/2013 09:28 AM

Zumba has been a lifesaver for me - I have the Zumba Core for XBox 360. I have also started taking better care of myself - makeup, skin care, new clothes, massages, manicures - things I never treated myself to before that are superficial but help when I need a boost. More importantly I am taking care of myself on the inside - reading books, journaling, etc.

1ost0ne posted 8/28/2013 09:29 AM

Thanks for starting the thread.

I consider myself pretty fit and healthy. I have to say that my regular lunchtime run has been extremely helpful for me to think without distractions. I've been also able to shed my anger into my runs rather than holding it in.

One of the things that I have been able to do is to release the HoneyDo list and reprioritize my life. Some things don't get done and I'm now fine with it. Before, it would eat at me.

For those that are starting an exercise program and have failed before, I recommend finding a running club (they accept everyone) or an exercise class. First, it's more fun to sweat with people than alone and second, you will be much more successful. Find a group that has plenty of same sex individuals. We don't need past mistakes repeated!

RyeBread posted 8/28/2013 09:34 AM

Exercising has been my personal savior. Helps me focus on something positive and improves who I am on so many levels.

rachelc posted 8/28/2013 09:49 AM

there is nothing I'm doing that is different, which is kind of the problem...

I had been working on getting more grad credits to move up the pay scale, I had always worked out, I had always taken very good care of myself, I had never shied away from new experiences...

so... I'm working on just "being." and not HAVING to stay so busy. This is new for me... I raised 4 kids born within three years and worked full time. I'm really good at multi-tasking, to a fault...
I just need to sit and be ok with myself...

broken0912 posted 8/28/2013 09:51 AM

I had lost about 30-35 lbs as a result of being so sick from this thing. I am trying to keep it off and lose a few more lbs and all the old feelings have come flooding back, so once again, food makes me nauseous.

I am also taking a trip back "home" to California to see family and friends by myself. It will be my time away from him. He has taken hunting & fishing trips, but this will be the first time I am leaving. I have been too afraid to leave him alone, and still am, but am also excited and following through with my plans - flying out in a week.

jimbo25319 posted 8/28/2013 20:30 PM

Prior to DD I was going through the motions at the gym and eating a bunch of crap.

Since DD I've hit the weights with an intensity I haven't had in years. Thanks to that and the infidelity diet, I'm down 22lbs.

Williesmom posted 8/28/2013 20:54 PM

I'm 5 years out from the D, but I started going to the gym a couple of years ago. I haven't lost any additional weight, but I feel healthy.

I also eat healthier. I get facials or massages periodically. I read a lot, and spend a lot of time with my dogs.

I'm now living a very quiet and peaceful life.

sleepless34 posted 8/28/2013 23:56 PM

I am enjoying a healthy diet of wine, zoloft, xanax and cigarettes (new habit!) sometimes with a valium kicker.

I lay in bed and I create fantasy stories where I kill my STBX husband and his OW and I get all the insurance money and never have to work again. I have read a lot of books about infidelity, divorce, etc. I read these SI posts fanatically. Talk to my friends about what a total DOUCHE he is....

Someday- maybe soon- I will quit smoking, eat again, do yoga, work out, be productive who knows...one day at a time!

SOrry, only 3 weeks out.

I have lost 5 lbs

MissMovingOn posted 8/29/2013 00:33 AM

I joined a gym at the beginning of August and am going twice a week to "small group training" - like personal training but with a small group of women so not so expensive. I'd already lost 52 pounds and I don't want to lost any more but now I'm strengthening and toning.

I was getting my nails done but I have to take that out of the budget for a while.

I did a yoga class this week for the first time in five years. It was our anniversary and I was on the verge of a meltdown so I found a studio that had a class I could drop in to.

I'm reading and journalling a lot. Talking to my girlfriends more.

nekorb posted 8/29/2013 08:35 AM

I'm going to schedule myself for a massage - a friend gave me a gift certificate to her masseuse ...I'm glad I haven't used it yet because now I really NEED it!!

SadFlower posted 8/29/2013 09:52 AM

I did yoga before D-Day, but I've stepped it up and go more frequently since then. It calms me down. I don't know how I would have survived the few weeks (months) after D-Day without it.

I also do Zumba once a week--fantastic! I've never been into running, but reading about how much it helps so many people, maybe I'll start.

Unfortunately, after an initial drop in weight (4 pounds in 3 days) right after D-Day, I've gained it back, and then some. Sigh. I can't even count on severe trauma to get those pounds off! (I need to lose about 15.)

purplejacket4 posted 8/29/2013 15:15 PM

Sleepless, at least you have retained a sense of humor!

Hmmm, I've started eating more salads, less meats and more vegetarian meals. I could never go vegan. I like cheese too much.

Exercise: hmmm, need to start doing that again. Does wrestling the dogs count?

I've spent a lot more time just trying to relax. I'm a crappy relaxer. The best I can do is "force" myself to lie on the couch and watch a baseball game!

meplusfour posted 8/29/2013 16:06 PM

I started training for a 10km run. I have not done any running since Grade 10 and that was 25 years ago. I can now run 5km in 32 minutes and am enjoying the serenity that running offers. I realized that in the past 10 years, I have watched numerous Christmas concerts, piano recitals, dance recitals, and attended special days at my childrens' school. I watched my fWH finish 5km and 10km runs and compete in martial arts tournaments. Although I volunteer extensively, not once has my fWH or children come out to watch what I do. This year I would like my children and fWH to watch me complete a personal goal and to help me celebrate my accomplishment.

I just had my first massage this past weekend and thoroughly enjoyed it. I never thought that I had the time before DDay. Now, I plan on scheduling a regular massage.

I have a treat everyday. It might be dark chocolate, a glass of wine, bowl of chips, frozen yogurt, gin and tonic, or good cheese. I love food and I deserve to indulge once a day.

I read on SI. The insight and knowledge that I have gained from the posters here has sustained me through difficult times. The feeling of not being alone and having others who understand what I am feeling is invaluable. I am thankful for all those who take the time to post and to those who open up and share.

sleepless34 posted 8/29/2013 17:01 PM

Today I got my hair did.

I went red. Like before I was married to "the douche." I like wearing my anger and strength on my head like this, it makes me feel powerful.

nekorb posted 8/29/2013 21:33 PM

So..

This might be TMI - but I bought some Ben-wa balls!!

I'm having a teensy bit of stress incontinence here and there and I've been doing kegals, but decided to step it up a notch.

When I was shopping online for them I ran across this really hilarious "how to" article about them and it was saying how if you were going to go out in public with the stainless steel balls *in place* to be aware that they set off metal detectors. ROFLMAO!

I was laughing hysterically so my husband had to know what I was reading about, so I told him. He seemed intrigued by the idea...as, they are also purported to increase sexual satisfaction for both partners.

They came today. I unboxed them in my room (don't want to explain them to my teenagers!) and left the amazon box sitting there in the closet with the packing slip in plain view of my husband.
He is horribly un observant though, so as soon as my friggin' yeast infection clears up, I fully intend to leave the well labeled box right on the bathroom counter where he can see them!

Muwahahahahaha....

So what I'm doing for myself is (hopefully) starting to kindle my husbands fire for me a little bit! :)

myperfectlife posted 8/29/2013 23:57 PM

I've lost almost 40lbs in 4 months, the smallest I've ever been. That means I need new clothes! Of course I need jewelry to go with the clothes. So I've been doing some retail therapy (thrift stores mostly, I'm cheap!).
I also got my hair cut very short, pedicures, have lunch or dinner with a friend when I can, go out of town for the weekends my WS has visitation and do what *I* want to do.
I used to run, but can't yet with the amount I am eating. Working my way back up to that.
I've also been doing a LOT of pleasure reading, one of the passions I hadn't had time for in a while.
Mostly I just try to THINK of myself. Instead of thinking of him and his issues and what he needs to fix.
For me, simply being mindful of MYSELF has been a HUGE factor in staying sane!

emotionalgirl posted 8/30/2013 03:21 AM

I hired a personal trainer...didn't tell WH and started cooking only what works for my diet, he isn't in love with what I am cooking but I am 180 and so don't really care if he eats it or not. I had also stopped seeing my masseuse a year ago. It really helped my TMJ so booked a bunch of appointments.

I love 180...I haven't put me first in at least 20 yrs, so it feels amazing!