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Newest Member: bigpockets (45700)

User Topic: "Consolation"
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Angry  Posted: 9:32 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't stand her.

My brother was here with us yesterday when The Princess came to pick up the boys, so she came in for a minute to speak with him. A song (Stormy Weather) came on my iPod dock. Part of the first verse:

Don't know why
There's no sun up in the sky
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together

When the last line finished, she said, "Oh Honey!", and patted me on the shoulder as a "consolation". I pretended nothing happened, because more than anything I just wanted to tell her to fuck off.

As she was leaving, she gave me a hug, and then said, "See. You still like me."

I had to respond. So I said, "I definitely hate you less than I did."

That may have been a lie.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
betrayedfriend
♀ 19785
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! She sure is full of herself, isn't she! I would have replied well, but I also liked that stick of gum I chewed but I spit it out when it outlived the flavor. She just thinks she's hot shit and you're just dying and pining away without her. Except you aren't, and you shouldn't. You are going to soar so high above where she is, eventually stuff like this will make you roll your eyes, and make you want to pat her on the head and say... aww... ain't that cute, you think you matter, and walk away.

[This message edited by betrayedfriend at 11:18 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 878 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She doesn't deserve ANY response. She has a mighty HUGE ego! Wow!! I'm surprised her head fit through the door!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2298 | Registered: Oct 2012
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why can't she wait out in the car for the kids like a normal ex?


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26119 | Registered: Aug 2011
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have replied well, but I also liked that stick of gum I chewed but I spit it out when it outlived the flavor.

For real Pass, you are one strong man to keep your cool with this woman.

She just thinks she's hot shit and you're just dying and pining away without her.

This exactly. I bet she thinks every man wants her, and the ones that don't must have something wrong with them.

I know you wanted to be polite and let her in to see your brother, but you gotta get to finances and kids only, and nothing face to face, especially with someone as delusional and manipulating as her.

She WANTS you to "still like her" so she doesn't have to feel bad about how horrible she has treated you.

You deserve a true Princess, one with elegance, grace, respect for other people, and a general sense of reality.

Hugs..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is she full of herself? Absolutely!

Does she think every man wants her? Yep, and she flirts with every single one of them, making "jokes" about how good she is in bed - even her friends' husbands!

Does she think I'm pining away without her? Oh yeah. And in the beginning I was, but now that shit's over with. While I still have lots of love for the woman I thought I was married to, she's dead - and may have never existed. So I'm pining for the feeling of being in love; I'm pining for the cuddling; I'm pining for having my default person to be with. I'm NOT pining for her!

Do I deserve a real princess who will be nice to me? I like to think I do. Thanks for saying so.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm serious pass - she should be waiting in the car. NOT coming into your space and walking around like she has a right to be there and comment on everything.

And it pisses me off to no end that she touched you.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26119 | Registered: Aug 2011
Sparkles
♀ 39901
Member # 39901
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you need to load Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" in your Ipod dock for the next time she comes over!

She is really full of herself...


Posts: 138 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: NW
jagged
♂ 32317
Member # 32317
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She sounds a lot like my ex - God's gift to men, and behaves and broadcasts like we're old friends.

I've arrived at strict neutrality - she's a business associate in that we have kids to raise in cooperative venture - and I'm not some wounded little boy who cares enough to be nasty or vindictive. Less is SO much more: I strive to keep our interactions as dryly professional and brief as they can possibly be.

But ever - shiver - hugging my ex? Good lord, never. Even her considerable ego wouldn't allow her to consider that would ever be okay.

Just...ewww.


One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks
For never to return

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: TX
Ashland13
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's what Nearly ExH is like.

Always "on", always wanting an audience, always wanting approval, a license for wrong-doing, because he is who he is.

It's exhausting, isn't it?

And it's hard not to answer or let them in, but it's enlightening when the blinders are dusted and start to rise.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2364 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Phoenix1
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One word comes to mind with The Princess's behavior: condescending...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1256 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

C'mon brother, you can(and will) do better.

so she came in for a minute to speak with him.

Nope, not into YOUR home. "If you want to speak with him, I'll tell him you're here."

When the last line finished, she said, "Oh Honey!", and patted me on the shoulder as a "consolation".

No way, dodge, duck hell run!!! Tell her she doesn't deserve to touch a real man.

As she was leaving, she gave me a hug, and then said, "See. You still like me."

See above. She is NPD, nothing will ever feed that hole inside her. If she can't get positive reinforcement from you, she will create a situation where she manipulates you into something she can twist into a semblance of being needed/liked IN HER OWN MIND.

I had to respond. So I said, "I definitely hate you less than I did."

See what I mean?

Indifference. No love, no hate, at best, perhaps pity. Even that only because of the children. It will hurt her more than ANY genuine emotion you show her.

Strength

ETA but if you are truly indifferent, it won't matter. You will have moved on to a better place.

[This message edited by 5454real at 5:14 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3158 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

**Condescending** was my first thought also......

I wouldn't let her into the house anymore either. But IF you do.....DEFINITELY do the "You're So Vain" song thing!
(it'll go right over her head, but it'll make YOU chuckle)


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm serious pass - she should be waiting in the car. NOT coming into your space and walking around like she has a right to be there and comment on everything.
And it pisses me off to no end that she touched you.

^^THIS!!!

Keep her at the damn door. She is a condescending, immature, cruel bitch and she is trying to yank your chain. Any attention is better than no attention in her world.

No attention. Deadpan her. Completely. If she touches you you duck and weave or cringe and say "Don't touch me".

Yuck. So yuck.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5651 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

**Condescending** was my first thought also......

Not mine. I thought "what a bitch!"

Do I deserve a real princess who will be nice to me

my advice - skip the princesses. smacks too much of needing to be a KISA. Look for a real woman, instead.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12169 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy God - what a fucking arrogant asshole! This one truly believes her shit does not stink.

Pass, every time you post about her shenanigans I think she can't get any worse. I was wrong ... Again.

She makes me absolutely sick to my stomach and the way she prances around and shits on you at every chance she gets? It's damn near criminal.

Don't let her into your home or personal space anymore. She is horrible - hurtful, nasty, arrogant, and clueless.

The next time she makes some smart ass comment, give it right back. Knock her on her ass with your wit and indifference, and then kick her the hell out of your house.

Damn. And I was in a good mood today.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2878 | Registered: Jan 2011
bigskyblues
♂ 36759
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass, not sure if you like classic country but you might want to add Chet Atkins "I still write your name in the snow" to your play list


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you need to channel your inner Billy Connolly. Please. Do it for me. Practice this in your mirror.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPWVq6MwW4E


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10004 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is NPD, nothing will ever feed that hole inside her.

Do we really think she is NPD? No argument that she's a manipulative bitch, but when I see others on here talking about their NPD Xs, it seems so much more intense than what I'm going through.


she should be waiting in the car

That's such a hard one. I'm trying to keep things friendly for the kids' sakes - and she says she is as well. I'm just not sure how to say, "Don't come into my place" without it appearing to be an act of war.

While this incident pissed me off (a lot!), it didn't really do any harm. I'm done crying over her (for now, anyhow), so it was really just an annoyance. I just don't know how to handle drawing these new boundaries.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is she full of herself? Absolutely!

Does she think every man wants her? Yep, and she flirts with every single one of them, making "jokes" about how good she is in bed - even her friends' husbands!

Does she think I'm pining away without her? Oh yeah.

These examples sound NPD to me...

There are probably many different levels of NPD with some NPD tendencies showing themselves more than others.. She just seems so entitled, full of herself, and disrespectful. Why do you call her "Princess"? Probably because she's a narcissist who only cares about herself and does what she wants without caring about the consequences to other people.

It's probably good you only thought of her "consolation" as annoying, but looking deeper at it, she was trying to manipulate you. Good for you for not letting her get to you, but she still has a serious problem..

I can see where you don't want to start a war, and that's probably smart because that's pretty much what I have done with my ex.

I NEED boundaries. No talking face to face, no being alone together, no talking on the phone. I've even had police escorts at every child exchange for a long time since he would verbally bash me right in front of the children.

When he would try to break my boundaries, it was so he could manipulate and hurt me, and I just couldn't take it anymore. He can complain all he wants, but my boundaries are my boundaries, and he may not cross them..

Sometimes I wish I was better at manipulating him. Perhaps I could just let him think and do whatever he wants, and I'll just play along to keep the peace, being strong enough in my own head to know the truth.. I just haven't been able to do that. I need to keep firm boundaries for my own sanity..

I would suggest you figure out what boundaries you need for your sanity. To me, it sounds like she's trying to keep some puppetmaster strings on you, and I would try to sever those as much as possible. You want to move on, right? You want to take some time to work on yourself and then possibly find a woman who will appreciate you? Then I would set some firmer boundaries and stop giving her chances to mess with your head. If you ask me, Princess needs to wait in the car and get out of your space, physically and emotionally..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Topic Posts: 22
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