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Pass posted 8/28/2013 09:32 AM

Can't stand her.

My brother was here with us yesterday when The Princess came to pick up the boys, so she came in for a minute to speak with him. A song (Stormy Weather) came on my iPod dock. Part of the first verse:

Don't know why
There's no sun up in the sky
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together

When the last line finished, she said, "Oh Honey!", and patted me on the shoulder as a "consolation". I pretended nothing happened, because more than anything I just wanted to tell her to fuck off.

As she was leaving, she gave me a hug, and then said, "See. You still like me."

I had to respond. So I said, "I definitely hate you less than I did."

That may have been a lie.

betrayedfriend posted 8/28/2013 11:17 AM

Wow! She sure is full of herself, isn't she! I would have replied well, but I also liked that stick of gum I chewed but I spit it out when it outlived the flavor. She just thinks she's hot shit and you're just dying and pining away without her. Except you aren't, and you shouldn't. You are going to soar so high above where she is, eventually stuff like this will make you roll your eyes, and make you want to pat her on the head and say... aww... ain't that cute, you think you matter, and walk away.

[This message edited by betrayedfriend at 11:18 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]

dmari posted 8/28/2013 11:36 AM

She doesn't deserve ANY response. She has a mighty HUGE ego! Wow!! I'm surprised her head fit through the door!

nowiknow23 posted 8/28/2013 11:44 AM

Why can't she wait out in the car for the kids like a normal ex?

ButterflyGirl posted 8/28/2013 11:53 AM

I would have replied well, but I also liked that stick of gum I chewed but I spit it out when it outlived the flavor.

For real Pass, you are one strong man to keep your cool with this woman.

She just thinks she's hot shit and you're just dying and pining away without her.

This exactly. I bet she thinks every man wants her, and the ones that don't must have something wrong with them.

I know you wanted to be polite and let her in to see your brother, but you gotta get to finances and kids only, and nothing face to face, especially with someone as delusional and manipulating as her.

She WANTS you to "still like her" so she doesn't have to feel bad about how horrible she has treated you.

You deserve a true Princess, one with elegance, grace, respect for other people, and a general sense of reality.

Hugs..

Pass posted 8/28/2013 12:55 PM

Is she full of herself? Absolutely!

Does she think every man wants her? Yep, and she flirts with every single one of them, making "jokes" about how good she is in bed - even her friends' husbands!

Does she think I'm pining away without her? Oh yeah. And in the beginning I was, but now that shit's over with. While I still have lots of love for the woman I thought I was married to, she's dead - and may have never existed. So I'm pining for the feeling of being in love; I'm pining for the cuddling; I'm pining for having my default person to be with. I'm NOT pining for her!

Do I deserve a real princess who will be nice to me? I like to think I do. Thanks for saying so.

nowiknow23 posted 8/28/2013 12:57 PM

I'm serious pass - she should be waiting in the car. NOT coming into your space and walking around like she has a right to be there and comment on everything.

And it pisses me off to no end that she touched you.

Sparkles posted 8/28/2013 12:59 PM

I think you need to load Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" in your Ipod dock for the next time she comes over!

She is really full of herself...

jagged posted 8/28/2013 13:21 PM

She sounds a lot like my ex - God's gift to men, and behaves and broadcasts like we're old friends.

I've arrived at strict neutrality - she's a business associate in that we have kids to raise in cooperative venture - and I'm not some wounded little boy who cares enough to be nasty or vindictive. Less is SO much more: I strive to keep our interactions as dryly professional and brief as they can possibly be.

But ever - shiver - hugging my ex? Good lord, never. Even her considerable ego wouldn't allow her to consider that would ever be okay.

Just...ewww.

Ashland13 posted 8/28/2013 16:23 PM

That's what Nearly ExH is like.

Always "on", always wanting an audience, always wanting approval, a license for wrong-doing, because he is who he is.

It's exhausting, isn't it?

And it's hard not to answer or let them in, but it's enlightening when the blinders are dusted and start to rise.

Phoenix1 posted 8/28/2013 16:38 PM

One word comes to mind with The Princess's behavior: condescending...

5454real posted 8/28/2013 17:10 PM

C'mon brother, you can(and will) do better.

so she came in for a minute to speak with him.

Nope, not into YOUR home. "If you want to speak with him, I'll tell him you're here."

When the last line finished, she said, "Oh Honey!", and patted me on the shoulder as a "consolation".

No way, dodge, duck hell run!!! Tell her she doesn't deserve to touch a real man.

As she was leaving, she gave me a hug, and then said, "See. You still like me."

See above. She is NPD, nothing will ever feed that hole inside her. If she can't get positive reinforcement from you, she will create a situation where she manipulates you into something she can twist into a semblance of being needed/liked IN HER OWN MIND.

I had to respond. So I said, "I definitely hate you less than I did."

See what I mean?

Indifference. No love, no hate, at best, perhaps pity. Even that only because of the children. It will hurt her more than ANY genuine emotion you show her.

Strength

ETA but if you are truly indifferent, it won't matter. You will have moved on to a better place.

[This message edited by 5454real at 5:14 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]

gonnabe2016 posted 8/28/2013 17:31 PM

**Condescending** was my first thought also......

I wouldn't let her into the house anymore either. But IF you do.....DEFINITELY do the "You're So Vain" song thing!
(it'll go right over her head, but it'll make YOU chuckle)

SBB posted 8/28/2013 17:41 PM

I'm serious pass - she should be waiting in the car. NOT coming into your space and walking around like she has a right to be there and comment on everything.
And it pisses me off to no end that she touched you.

^^THIS!!!

Keep her at the damn door. She is a condescending, immature, cruel bitch and she is trying to yank your chain. Any attention is better than no attention in her world.

No attention. Deadpan her. Completely. If she touches you you duck and weave or cringe and say "Don't touch me".

Yuck. So yuck.

inconnu posted 8/28/2013 18:11 PM

**Condescending** was my first thought also......

Not mine. I thought "what a bitch!"

Do I deserve a real princess who will be nice to me

my advice - skip the princesses. smacks too much of needing to be a KISA. Look for a real woman, instead.

suckstobeme posted 8/28/2013 18:29 PM

Holy God - what a fucking arrogant asshole! This one truly believes her shit does not stink.

Pass, every time you post about her shenanigans I think she can't get any worse. I was wrong ... Again.

She makes me absolutely sick to my stomach and the way she prances around and shits on you at every chance she gets? It's damn near criminal.

Don't let her into your home or personal space anymore. She is horrible - hurtful, nasty, arrogant, and clueless.

The next time she makes some smart ass comment, give it right back. Knock her on her ass with your wit and indifference, and then kick her the hell out of your house.

Damn. And I was in a good mood today.

bigskyblues posted 8/29/2013 01:06 AM

Pass, not sure if you like classic country but you might want to add Chet Atkins "I still write your name in the snow" to your play list

Nature_Girl posted 8/29/2013 01:34 AM

I think you need to channel your inner Billy Connolly. Please. Do it for me. Practice this in your mirror.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPWVq6MwW4E

Pass posted 8/29/2013 09:19 AM

She is NPD, nothing will ever feed that hole inside her.

Do we really think she is NPD? No argument that she's a manipulative bitch, but when I see others on here talking about their NPD Xs, it seems so much more intense than what I'm going through.


she should be waiting in the car

That's such a hard one. I'm trying to keep things friendly for the kids' sakes - and she says she is as well. I'm just not sure how to say, "Don't come into my place" without it appearing to be an act of war.

While this incident pissed me off (a lot!), it didn't really do any harm. I'm done crying over her (for now, anyhow), so it was really just an annoyance. I just don't know how to handle drawing these new boundaries.

ButterflyGirl posted 8/29/2013 09:52 AM

Is she full of herself? Absolutely!

Does she think every man wants her? Yep, and she flirts with every single one of them, making "jokes" about how good she is in bed - even her friends' husbands!

Does she think I'm pining away without her? Oh yeah.

These examples sound NPD to me...

There are probably many different levels of NPD with some NPD tendencies showing themselves more than others.. She just seems so entitled, full of herself, and disrespectful. Why do you call her "Princess"? Probably because she's a narcissist who only cares about herself and does what she wants without caring about the consequences to other people.

It's probably good you only thought of her "consolation" as annoying, but looking deeper at it, she was trying to manipulate you. Good for you for not letting her get to you, but she still has a serious problem..

I can see where you don't want to start a war, and that's probably smart because that's pretty much what I have done with my ex.

I NEED boundaries. No talking face to face, no being alone together, no talking on the phone. I've even had police escorts at every child exchange for a long time since he would verbally bash me right in front of the children.

When he would try to break my boundaries, it was so he could manipulate and hurt me, and I just couldn't take it anymore. He can complain all he wants, but my boundaries are my boundaries, and he may not cross them..

Sometimes I wish I was better at manipulating him. Perhaps I could just let him think and do whatever he wants, and I'll just play along to keep the peace, being strong enough in my own head to know the truth.. I just haven't been able to do that. I need to keep firm boundaries for my own sanity..

I would suggest you figure out what boundaries you need for your sanity. To me, it sounds like she's trying to keep some puppetmaster strings on you, and I would try to sever those as much as possible. You want to move on, right? You want to take some time to work on yourself and then possibly find a woman who will appreciate you? Then I would set some firmer boundaries and stop giving her chances to mess with your head. If you ask me, Princess needs to wait in the car and get out of your space, physically and emotionally..

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