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Jennifer99 (original poster member #39551) posted at 6:11 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
This always happens - I think of an issue or question or thought the day after my IC appointment and it looks SO long until the next one 
Any thoughts to share on letting go of paranoia/suspicion?
Why should I let go? I just feel like now I am making myself crazy and its NOT him anymore.
Example - out of the blue this a.m. he says "I'm driving you to work" and asks me odd questions the whole 10 minutes. Last time this happened (Spring) he went and sat outside the workplace of the EAP.
I didn't say anything to him but have found a reason to call him too many times today basically just to see if he is home or sitting and spying. He is home. She got off work 15 minutes ago. He is still home.
He is just weird and not doing anything wrong and hasn't pretty much since that day in the spring. He has been very consistently kind and doing the things I've asked to work on "us" (even though as he repeatedly points out it is basically working on regaining my trust).
There have been other instances of this problem, meaning I see some familiar looking behavior and associate it with something that happened during his long EA but it isn't true NOW.
I would like to try and figure out how to lose the paranoia without losing the ability to figure out if/when he ever messes up again.
[This message edited by Jennifer99 at 12:12 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]
strongerdaybyday ( member #40264) posted at 6:59 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Personally, I think the only time we can let go of the paranoia/suspicion is when trust is rebuilt.
Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 15 years
3 awesome and beautiful children
OC discovered on Dday - born in 2005
D-Day Summer 2013
working towards D...I can't pretend anymore
**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**
silverhopes ( member #32753) posted at 8:50 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Sometimes it helps just to write down these instances in a special journal. Maybe part of why we hold onto suspicions is because we feel we cannot trust our realities or our perceptions of them - not surprising, since someone deceived us. So writing down each odd instance... You can let them go for the moment, because you have acknowledged your altered, suspicious reality, and if anything were to happen, the pieces are right there, waiting to be picked up again if you need to. They're saved.
Then you can turn your mind away from the suspicion-maker (your WH) and find some peace of mind.
It's hard, especially early out. Sometimes suspicion becomes the norm for a while. 
Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.
Jennifer99 (original poster member #39551) posted at 8:52 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
What a brilliant idea silverhopes!
I'm going to try it and see if it helps. Def can't hurt!
And if I feel the need to "trust but verify" I have to remind myself its ok, I'm not doing anything wrong, just being smart, especially if I am expecting the best and just "verifying". And I'll always still have the notes of it.
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