SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

hangingontohope7 posted 8/28/2013 13:12 PM

I have been informed that WH will be filing for divorce.

I knew that eventually one of us would have to file, so why does it still hurt so much?

He doesn't want me. He doesn't want our marriage. He wants OW. He has a new life with her now. I'm just a road block in the way of their perfect future. And the sooner he is rid of me, the better.

I'm feeling so low right now. I guess there was a tiny part of me that hoped he would change his mind and at least feel bad about everything he has put me through. Guess not. Now, I'm left feeling like garbage.

HurtsButImOK posted 8/28/2013 13:47 PM

So very sorry you are feeling low.

It hurts because it is that last little flicker of hope dying and we are now having to face a new reality that so many of us didn’t expect or plan for. Allow yourself to mourn. Lean into the pain, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep moving forward, one day at a time.

(((hangingontohope7)))

You are not garbage and he is not living a perfect life. You know how his story goes from start to end. As SBB says you can change the players but the game is the same.

nowiknow23 posted 8/28/2013 14:19 PM

((((hanging))))

It hurts because it's is real. It's final. And you are a loving, caring human being who is dealing with a loss. If it didn't hurt, I would be worried about you.

Sending you strength, honey.

Linus1968 posted 8/28/2013 14:32 PM

It hurts because it is a tearing of your heart, not a surgical incision. In a tearing of the marriage, piece of you went with him, and of him stayed with you. It does not hurt him because he sucks. You don't. You are stronger more than you know.

I am sorry for your pain. I know words are not enough. Just be good to yourself. Big hugs...

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

[This message edited by Linus1968 at 2:33 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]

dmari posted 8/28/2013 14:32 PM

(((((hangingontohope7))))) I am so sorry you are hurting. Even when I filed (because STBX didn't want to do all the work), I had hope that he would pull his head out of his ass and be the truly remorseful spouse who would do anything and everything in his power to keep his marriage and family in tact. Or, like you said, at the very least feel bad or at least acknowledge the incredible damage his selfish actions did to me and his children.

I think I know how you are feeling. I wanted to reassure you that it does get better. You will start to focus on YOU. He was obviously not worthy of your commitment, love, compassion, everything. My motto before dday was "always have hope" and your user name has the word hope. After dday, the hope became an acronym: Hang On Pain Ends. And the pain does end. Hugs hugs hugs to you. Focus on self care right now.

[This message edited by dmari at 2:33 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]

NewMom0220 posted 8/28/2013 15:14 PM

((((hangingontohope7))))

I'm just a road block in the way of their perfect future.

No, he is a road block to YOUR perfect future.

Now, I'm left feeling like garbage.

Maybe so. Maybe today you feel like this. I'm not there yet, and I anticipate this will be extremely hard for me too, but you know this is just negative talk in your head. This isn't reality. He doesn't ride off into the sunset on a white horse with OW leaving you in a ditch. No, they're already in a ditch. They started their relationship based on lies, betrayal, and deceit. They are gross.

You don't need a partner to make you feel worthy. You are worthy. And if you did need someone to increase your value, how much does a cheating, lying, a-hole increase your value? He doesn't...he is just dragging you down. Remember this feeling...and know that there will be dark times and sadness, but when you come out the other side, he can't make you feel this way again.

You are on to bigger and better things, even though it doesn't feel like it today. :)

Ashland13 posted 8/28/2013 20:46 PM

I'm sorry for your loss and your pain...and FWIW, you are not alone. I experience it also. For empathy sake, I will say that I, too, have been traded for OW and face the rest of my life as a void right now, too. Our child has been abandoned as well, by him.

The feelings you describe I have felt too, each and every one...but it's my hope for you that in time they will be less. We don't have to own the feelings or let them own us and you are not garbage.

The thing is, that now you have the truth and can face reality, rather than limbo or purgatory and the fog that can come with it. You can look forward at some point when you are ready and see what is waiting for you in the world, though it doesn't seem like it right now.