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Wedding anniversary on Sat and struggling

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hobbeskat posted 8/28/2013 13:18 PM

It's our first anniversary on Saturday and I've been doing great lately, until recently. The OW is a mutual friend of my friend and she emailed him saying how she was manipulated by my WH etc etc etc self pity.

This has set off a chain of events in my head. I feel like I have PTSD, I am reexperiencing the trauma again- the trauma of being told I was not loved, of being left, of the OW lying to me and saying he'd never cheat and she'd move in with me, the trauma of my WH's cavalier attitude when he told he was cheating with her, the trauma of her messages to him afterwards when I told her to stop contacting him saying how emotionally involved she was, the trauma of knowing my husband and my best friend lied to me, hurt me and didn't care about me, and that she still doesn't.

I have been obsessed with contacting her and thanking her for everything. Thanking her for helping make my first wedding anniversary something that is causing me this much pain, thanking her for making me a jealous paranoid wreck, thanking her for meaning I will never trust a friend again.

I am struggling so much. I want to have a good anniversary but I am constantly on the verge of tears and I keep dissociating.

silverhopes posted 8/28/2013 14:27 PM


hobbeskat posted 8/28/2013 17:05 PM

Thank you. I am taking some comfort, if that's the word, that he's in pain too.

silverhopes posted 8/28/2013 17:15 PM

That's pretty selfish of her trying to keep making it all about herself, instead of taking some responsibility. I can see why you were triggered and why it brought back so many bad memories. Plus anniversaries in general can be triggery - especially since the OW sang at your wedding.

Let yourself feel sad. Does it feel like the anniversary is more an acknowledgment of what you lost? Have you and your H gotten to talk at all about how you're feeling - about her writing your friend and all the sad memories and what the anniversary means now? Is be being supportive? Is there anything he can do for you two on your wedding anniversary to make the day easier for you? Or a new tradition?

cantaccept posted 8/29/2013 04:37 AM


Last Wednesday was our first anniversary since dday.

Not our first but our 11th.

He started the a 2 days later last year.

The build up to the day was almost worse than the actual day.

I am sorry that you are going through this. It is so very hard.

For us we spent the day together, peaceful, he was with me if I needed to talk. It actually turned out to be our best anniversary. I did keep thinking that last year he gave me an ow, thanks. First anniversary gift I ever received.

I guess we need to focus on the possibilities of the future to get through the pain?

I wish you peace on this day, and comfort from your h.

hobbeskat posted 9/1/2013 21:31 PM

Hi, I haven't felt up to checking in but just wanted to thank people for their advice and comfort.

It actually went really well- I've had an absolutely lovely few days. It's our paper anniversary and he made me a lovely card, with strips of paper and a memory written on each one. I am writing him a letter but not finished it- I didn't want to get a present, just in case.

He surprised me the night before our anniversary with dinner, then the next day we went to a football match and then in the evening he'd set up 2 things and I could pick. We went to see a play outdoors, and it was lovely. We drank the bottle of the champagne we were given on our wedding day.

The A has come up and not been glossed over, but not hurt too much. I really do think he is completely remorseful and he thanked me often for still being here and giving him another chance (after a bad night on Wednesday where he told me he felt hopeless sometimes and didn't know how to cope with what he'd done) and saying he had learned a lot. He has been lovely, and I've been returning his love and affection.

I guess my wedding present was putting our photos back up. When he walked out and told he had cheated, my friend came round and sat with me. I had a college of our wedding photos on our wall, surrounded by stars. While I was (finally) sleeping, she took them down (I asked her to) and rearranged the stars in a smiley face. I left the stars as they were but put the photos back up as a gesture. And they don't hurt so much anymore. I am healing.

Off to Paris for my birthday on Tuesday :)

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