SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

15kat16 posted 8/28/2013 14:04 PM

They're leaving on yet another trip-Nassau dive trip this time-we're still married-almost 2 yrs since he walked out-D pending for 1 1/2 filed by me- the stress of knowing she is living my life, freely going on all those great exotic trips, all the extras of my marriage, is killing me. I don't care so much about STBXS-she's welcome to him- but she flaunts everything. My sons, me, my family, friends, the general public who support our business-how do I get past this pain?

NewMom0220 posted 8/28/2013 15:27 PM

15kat16-

I'm sorry that you are hurting today. All I can say is that she doesn't have it that great. He is a liar and a cheater and if he wasn't loyal to you then I doubt he will be loyal to her. She probably doesn't care if he's faithful to her or not. She began a relationship with a married man. She isn't living your life, you probably wouldn't do that to someone else and be ok with it let alone flaunt it.

Are you planning any vacation time for you and your family in the near future? Can you go out and get a massage, manicure, hair, clothes, makeup and go out with girlfriends and bitch about them while they are on this trip? Can you plan an extravagant trip with your children/grandkids for you to remember? She doesn't get the love they have for you. That's for you. She isn't entitled to any of that.

15kat16 posted 8/28/2013 17:05 PM

Thanks for the wise & kind words, NewMom. I can and will be planning a trip once I know where my finances stand. And I know he'll do the same thing to her or she to him for that matter. They deserve one another.

Its so good to have this space to vent when having a bad day!

movingforward13 posted 8/29/2013 15:15 PM

*hugs*

SBB posted 8/29/2013 16:26 PM

What NM said. I know exactly the life OWUmpteen is having with the sad clown, I lived it. I see it as her karma.

15kat16 posted 8/29/2013 19:28 PM

Thank you SBB. I'm a firm believer in karma - thank the universe that you're in a better place. All in good time...

kernel posted 8/29/2013 20:28 PM

I had a lot of the same feelings when I found out my X was taking all these vacations with his MOW. Vacations that were supposed to be mine after sacrificing for and supporting his career for most of my working life. I had to force myself to stop thinking about it and focus on me, on my kids, on anything else. It sucks and I can't do a thing about it so I had to learn to let it go.

Maybe you can make a plan for a future trip, start planning it, even start putting away spare change or a few dollars a week toward it. That way you can shift the focus to your awesome trip whenever they are flaunting their crap.

It's all about detaching, and it takes time but it also takes discipline to change your thinking. Sure, you'll have days when you slip back a bit, but it will get easier to get past it each time. Focus on YOU.