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Newest Member: Remember (46025)

User Topic: When will the hurt stop?
15kat16
♀ 34143
Member # 34143
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They're leaving on yet another trip-Nassau dive trip this time-we're still married-almost 2 yrs since he walked out-D pending for 1 1/2 filed by me- the stress of knowing she is living my life, freely going on all those great exotic trips, all the extras of my marriage, is killing me. I don't care so much about STBXS-she's welcome to him- but she flaunts everything. My sons, me, my family, friends, the general public who support our business-how do I get past this pain?


Kat(me)-64 yrs
WH-60
M-30 yrs together 32
DD-suspicions began 6+ yrs ago
2 adult sons - 3 grandkids
WH moved out Oct.1, 2011
I filed for D April 6, 2012

Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2011
NewMom0220
♀ 39036
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

15kat16-

I'm sorry that you are hurting today. All I can say is that she doesn't have it that great. He is a liar and a cheater and if he wasn't loyal to you then I doubt he will be loyal to her. She probably doesn't care if he's faithful to her or not. She began a relationship with a married man. She isn't living your life, you probably wouldn't do that to someone else and be ok with it let alone flaunt it.

Are you planning any vacation time for you and your family in the near future? Can you go out and get a massage, manicure, hair, clothes, makeup and go out with girlfriends and bitch about them while they are on this trip? Can you plan an extravagant trip with your children/grandkids for you to remember? She doesn't get the love they have for you. That's for you. She isn't entitled to any of that.


Me: BS 37
Him: WS 37
20 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2013
15kat16
♀ 34143
Member # 34143
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the wise & kind words, NewMom. I can and will be planning a trip once I know where my finances stand. And I know he'll do the same thing to her or she to him for that matter. They deserve one another.

Its so good to have this space to vent when having a bad day!


Kat(me)-64 yrs
WH-60
M-30 yrs together 32
DD-suspicions began 6+ yrs ago
2 adult sons - 3 grandkids
WH moved out Oct.1, 2011
I filed for D April 6, 2012

Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2011
movingforward13
♀ 38405
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*hugs*


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 645 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What NM said. I know exactly the life OWUmpteen is having with the sad clown, I lived it. I see it as her karma.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5733 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
15kat16
♀ 34143
Member # 34143
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you SBB. I'm a firm believer in karma - thank the universe that you're in a better place. All in good time...


Kat(me)-64 yrs
WH-60
M-30 yrs together 32
DD-suspicions began 6+ yrs ago
2 adult sons - 3 grandkids
WH moved out Oct.1, 2011
I filed for D April 6, 2012

Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2011
kernel
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a lot of the same feelings when I found out my X was taking all these vacations with his MOW. Vacations that were supposed to be mine after sacrificing for and supporting his career for most of my working life. I had to force myself to stop thinking about it and focus on me, on my kids, on anything else. It sucks and I can't do a thing about it so I had to learn to let it go.

Maybe you can make a plan for a future trip, start planning it, even start putting away spare change or a few dollars a week toward it. That way you can shift the focus to your awesome trip whenever they are flaunting their crap.

It's all about detaching, and it takes time but it also takes discipline to change your thinking. Sure, you'll have days when you slip back a bit, but it will get easier to get past it each time. Focus on YOU.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5337 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 7

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