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huRtZ413 posted 8/28/2013 18:31 PM

i need it , i've always needed it yet i dont want to have sex with my WH im so angry and hurt by him. but i need to be held and made love to , what a freakin way to be. im only guess is just built up frustration but i dont think i can go through with it with him

Rebreather posted 8/28/2013 18:33 PM

Go for a run instead.

Do pushups. (alone!) Climb a mountain.

Anything other than the path of self destruction. You don't "need" sex. You are full of adrenaline and likely need a physical outlet. Find a healthy one.

Lostinthismess posted 8/28/2013 18:53 PM

If you just want the release, then that's obviously something you can take care of yourself. Be good with being with yourself. Find out who you are again and where your WH fits into that formula. No need to rush anything just to get a sexual fix.

mixedintherut posted 8/28/2013 18:56 PM

I 100% understand where you are coming from!

Phoenix9572 posted 8/28/2013 20:12 PM

I can completely relate!
I just threw my WH out of our house yesterday and believe I'm on the path for D. Earlier I was reading all the stuff the lawyer gave me and was so overwhelmed. All I wanted was for him to hold me and comfort me and yes, make love to me. It's a sad twisted mess when you desire the one who has hurt you so much. It's gonna be difficult challenging that need into something positive and constructive and not give in to temptation.

Phoenix9572 posted 8/28/2013 20:12 PM

I can completely relate!
I just threw my WH out of our house yesterday and believe I'm on the path for D. Earlier I was reading all the stuff the lawyer gave me and was so overwhelmed. All I wanted was for him to hold me and comfort me and yes, make love to me. It's a sad twisted mess when you desire the one who has hurt you so much. It's gonna be difficult challenging that need into something positive and constructive and not give in to temptation.

Bloomsday posted 8/28/2013 21:16 PM

I am good friends with a recently separated woman in the same predicament. She actually asked to use my shower (detachable shower nozzle) because she was literally losing her mind. I instantly agreed and also bought her a very nice classy vibrator (Google Lelo Liv vibrators). She was incredibly grateful as she was scared to order one for herself. I also provided her rides on a Hitachi Magic Wand. That was almost too much (ladies can attest) but the multiple O's helped settle her down.

Now you should see the products that Amazon.com says I might also be interested in. Whoa, Nelly!

Hearthache again posted 8/28/2013 21:37 PM

Good advice and been there before. B.O.B.(battery operated boyfriend) was a great help during my rough times. Amazon is a great place to find him.

RightTrack posted 8/28/2013 22:52 PM

I have had a different experience than the others. Is your WH remorseful? Are you thinking of R? I felt the same way as you and it was long before I wanted to R that I realized I needed it and I wasn't going to go walk the streets, etc. The first time after Dday I had sex with him I felt a little like I was being untrue to myself but I also remember thinking, "I am horny and I am still married so he OWES ME this."

If you feel this way, be selfish! Take it, it is supposed to be yours anyway! I would have felt terrible had I trolled in a bar or called up an ex. I'm not much into vibrators, etc./wouldn't have worked for me.

I still haven't forgiven my WH for everything he did. He was truly terrible when I really needed him around BUT the added oxytocin from HB is seeping into my brain. Maybe next year or the year after I'll consider forgiving him. Until then at least I'm not denying myself anything.

StrongerOne posted 8/29/2013 08:53 AM

Hitachi magic wand.

shatteredheart7 posted 8/29/2013 09:26 AM

I am starting to think I am the only one that reacted this way, but...

The day he confessed to me, as soon as I calmed down, I wanted sex with him. I told him that I needed him to satisfy me, I needed to "reclaim" what was mine. At that point we had been going at it pretty much all the time for a few months so STD's were the farthest thing from my mind, I mean if he had gotten something from her it was kind of to late to prevent me from getting it at that point. We did eventually get tested and all was fine. For the first few months after DDay I refused to do anything he wanted me to do to satisfy him... I made it ALL about me and MY needs. Honestly, it was the best thing for us. He learned more about what I liked while showing me that he was willing to do what ever I needed while expecting nothing in return.

2married2quit posted 8/29/2013 09:59 AM

If you feel this way, be selfish! Take it, it is supposed to be yours anyway! I would have felt terrible had I trolled in a bar or called up an ex.

I have done this with my wife. Just held my breath and asked for sex. Took it for a release and just a physical act. If I think about it too much, I feel weak asking for it and stupid for wanting her. After we do it, sometimes we get closer, other times I feel like I failed myself. Adultery is one horrible thing.

The day he confessed to me, as soon as I calmed down, I wanted sex with him. I told him that I needed him to satisfy me, I needed to "reclaim" what was mine. At that point we had been going at it pretty much all the time for a few months

The hyper bonding period is amazing. HOT sex!! We broke all past records and I actually surprised myself at different levels. However, for us the HB is over. Reality has really set in. I want to have hot steamy loving sex, but then I opt for just falling asleep. :(

[This message edited by 2married2quit at 10:01 AM, August 29th (Thursday)]

Painfuljourney posted 8/29/2013 11:39 AM

I always needed it and wanted it. WH rejected me for porn, also had PA. When I told him how much sex I needed he felt stupid. About a week after DD we started having tons of sex and never looked back. I read that this is normal. It's part of our reconciliation. His PA was 4 years ago, so I think that is also a factor, no way if he was just screwing someone else could I have gone there.

Anyway, it's been part of our healing process. I personally couldn't get through this with him without it.

Rebreather posted 8/29/2013 11:42 AM

Wanting sex shortly after dday is often referred to as "hysterical bonding" and it is not at all uncommon.

I believe, however, that the OP just found out her spouse has been lying to her for months about who his AP was, and asked him to leave their home. Therefore, sex would be a bad idea if she is trying to 180 and find the strength to move on.

velvethammer posted 8/29/2013 11:43 AM

adamandeve.com - put "savage" in the coupon code box and you'll get 50% off an item

ladies_first posted 8/29/2013 11:59 AM

If you moved out and separated this week, your goal is to DETACH from him.

In my experience, sex is an attachment bond -- so sex with him would not be a wise idea at this time!

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