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Do you know who your ex brings your kids around?

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Nature_Girl posted 8/28/2013 22:46 PM

Do you know who your ex brings your kids around? I don't just mean romantic partners. I mean roommates, transitory roommates, stuff like that. Do you know who those people are? Are you supposed to know?

In a situation like mine (y'all know what my situation is by now), do you think *I* should know who my STBX has around the kids? Like, roommates & transitory roommates? Or someone who frequently goes out with STBX and the kids for the entire parenting time, bringing his own kid(s) alone because it's his weekend too. Would you think that I should know who that man is?

PurpleRose posted 8/28/2013 23:35 PM

I have no clue who the Dooosh has around my son on his weekends. I know he has a roommate, and I know the guy's first name. That is only because my son talks about the guy sometimes.

Other than that, it's all on him to make sure the people in contact with the kid(s) are "normal"-- whatever the hell that means in the land of denial and douchery where my ex lives.

One more bite of the shit sandwich these stellar examples of humanity have served up on a silver platter.

You, NG, have your own category of wrong happening with your WS. He is beyond scary and you probably should know these things for the safety of your children. I'm sorry.

GabyBaby posted 8/29/2013 00:03 AM

I didn't (and still don't) know who XWH brought around the kids.
I couldn't control it (or prove it) even if the wording had been included in our divorce decree.

The only thing that I could do is make sure that they had a stable home on my end. That when they came home, they didn't have to worry about some strange guy walking around or random people hanging around at all hours of the day/night.
I listened (without being obvious)to what the kids said to one another and had to trust that even if they didn't tell ME what was going on, that they talked to each other about just about everything. While I heard things I didn't like, I didn't hear anything that was actionable.

Your situation is a lot scarier though.

((( Nature_Girl )))

Kajem posted 8/29/2013 00:04 AM

I don't know. The ONLY thing I trust him with is the physical health of our kids. He knows if something happens to them physically. I will (gladly) go all mama bear with an Irish vengeance on him.

After that, I don't trust him for anything more.

NG your STBX is a special case of hell on earth. Does he have unsupervised visitation?

I am sorry. I think you should know

Kajem posted 8/29/2013 00:04 AM

I don't know. The ONLY thing I trust him with is the physical health of our kids. He knows if something happens to them physically. I will (gladly) go all mama bear with an Irish vengeance on him.

After that, I don't trust him for anything more.

NG your STBX is a special case of hell on earth. Does he have unsupervised visitation?

I am sorry. I think you should know

Nature_Girl posted 8/29/2013 00:36 AM

Yes, it's unsupervised. Sadly, I cannot even trust him with my kids' physical safety. He just does not make good decisions, he never has been the kind of person who pays attention to what's going on. I could tell you stories that would curl your hair...

Amazonia posted 8/29/2013 07:55 AM

The obvious answer is that you should, but realistically you are never going to. From earlier posts you've made, it sounds like you are doing everything you can - teaching your kids what to do if they get lost, or hurt, or are uncomfortable with adults like his friends, get them into counseling, teaching them to speak up for themselves, etc.

Ashland13 posted 8/29/2013 08:08 AM

This is such a hard subject.

I have asked L this and it's being researched, but suspected that once the D is final, there's not a whole lot I can do once DD is out of my presence.

As Amazonia says, what we can do is work hard on our end to instill values in our kids and teach them how they may stay safe when they are with their other parent. I still am up at night and have a terrible time being anxious until DD is back again, when she goes with her father.

The lack of boundaries comes through sometimes, together with other things like disrespect and so on and it's sad that we can't trust another adult with our children.

One thing I was thinking lately for DD is to find a kid's first aid course or something like it. I also always make sure she has my phone numbers and a relative's phone numbers on my side that I still trust. She said it helped her feel a little secure when she was with him to know she could reach me.

Yes, esp. in your case, Nature Girl, it seems that you should be able to know who your kids are with. I hope that will come to pass.

tesla posted 8/29/2013 20:36 PM

Well, I know ex-shat has my son around a former stripper-whore. Not too happy about that but sadly, I'd rather Teslet be with her than alone with his dad. (GAWD, I can't believe I just said that )

I wish you could keep your kids safe from that fool and his shitty life. ((((NG))))

Missymomma posted 8/29/2013 21:01 PM

My attorney and I had really considered putting a clause for a criminal background check. At the time, it just wasn't an issue but in your situation it sounds like a good idea. They just propose it for both of you. Anyone that is going to be involved with the children would need a criminal background check. So any roommate, close friend, someone dating, etc. Might be worth a try in your situation.

newlysingle posted 8/29/2013 22:07 PM

I agree with MissyMomma. I think that you could push for a criminal background check at least with new roommates or romantic partners.

It's ironic that you posted this because I was thinking about this yesterday. As much as I hate Hello Kitty, she appears to be harmless to the safety of my children. I'm not too worried about her hurting them physically. I know that STBX wouldn't either.

It did cross my mind though, that if Hello Kitty and him break up (which I think is certain to happen at some point), I fear that he would immediately find some new whore or move in some random guy roommate. I don't think he could afford to live on his own at this point. I find that a lot scarier than Hello Kitty. So, in some ways I do hope she sticks around. I can't believe I just said that either!

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