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Newest Member: m0ntp17 (61474)

User Topic: not so new in town......
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok, before we had kids we settled in an area, had a house, good neighbors, etc for several years. Had one child and that child had friends, activities, etc.

Then, life sorta went to pot and we were moving a lot and not settled. One place was pretty rural and my oldest did not have as much social interaction, but she did still have pre school & swim lessons. My youngest was a baby and I didn't really worry about playdates and that stuff for him

So, we moved again, and this time to a city in an apartment where there were lots of kids--- good socially.

Moved again, to where we will probably settle. Its more rural and not a lot of kids like the city had. People here are more closed and keep to themselves, and have a lot of family around to socialize with. Or, people they have known for years. We are 'outsiders'

I just feel lonely. I also feel like I'm responsible for my kids social lives, and I and getting stressed about this.

we've been in our new spot for a while (a little over a year) and Ive done a great job getting the kids involved in stuff (scouts, etc etc...) I remember from when we were in our house several years ago (before it hit the fan!!) and I remember at about the year mark feeling the same anxious lonely feeling... you aren't really new, so you feel like you should have a ton of friends, know your way around town...

UGH. Anyone else feel this way and want to commiserate, or tell me feeling at home takes time

Posts: 2432 | Registered: Jan 2010
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What size city are you in? Are there any church groups, volunteer groups, or hobby clubs you could get invoked in?

Me: BS 48
Her: FWS 51 (both family med MDs; together 21 years)
OW: who cares (PhD)
Dday: 10/11: 11/11 TT for months; NC 8/12
"band aids don't fix bullet holes" Taylor Swift
I NEVER mind medical ???

Posts: 3006 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Here
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its pretty small, but we are in all of those things. =)

I just feel, I don't know... outside the group... maybe too its because ive been focused on the kids and getting them settled into our new place, and I haven't found my niche

Posts: 2432 | Registered: Jan 2010
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First of all, stop worrying about the kids; they will find their own social level. Once they are in school, it will even out. If they learn to entertain themselves, it will go a long way toward their personal well-being.

As for yourself, you can take what I say with a grain of sal because I'm an introvert and shy, so I don't seek out groups of people. I lived in a moderate sized city for 20 years and had one good friend that I met about 14 years into my residency.

Do you have a hobby or are you interested in some kind of hobby? Start there; don't worry about connecting with people. Find something that makes you happy, and I'll bet you find ways to share it with people.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:40 AM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I understand how you are feeling. We moved to a pretty rural area almost 3 years ago. We waited for DD to graduate HS and went away to school but she still hates it when she's home. She only recently made a few friends at her part time job (when she's home) and socialized a little with them this past summer.

I still feel like a fish out of water here, although I convinced myself it was what I wanted (to be away from people), but I just do not fit in with the locals here. It did take some time and I've made a couple of friends. I actually met a woman while I was walking my dogs and she invited me to her book club. That was two years ago and I have met some women who I'd consider friends now. H and I socialize occasionally with a couple of them and their husbands.

I think it's easier when you have young kids because it kind of forces you to be connected with the community. Keep doing what you're doing and I think in time you will feel more comfortable and at home there.

"If you want to know who your tribe is, speak your truth, then see who sticks around. Those are the people who get a spot in your blanket fort." -Nanea Hoffman

Posts: 55120 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 5

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