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not so new in town......

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Gottagetthrough posted 8/28/2013 23:04 PM

ok, before we had kids we settled in an area, had a house, good neighbors, etc for several years. Had one child and that child had friends, activities, etc.

Then, life sorta went to pot and we were moving a lot and not settled. One place was pretty rural and my oldest did not have as much social interaction, but she did still have pre school & swim lessons. My youngest was a baby and I didn't really worry about playdates and that stuff for him

So, we moved again, and this time to a city in an apartment where there were lots of kids--- good socially.

Moved again, to where we will probably settle. Its more rural and not a lot of kids like the city had. People here are more closed and keep to themselves, and have a lot of family around to socialize with. Or, people they have known for years. We are 'outsiders'

I just feel lonely. I also feel like I'm responsible for my kids social lives, and I and getting stressed about this.

we've been in our new spot for a while (a little over a year) and Ive done a great job getting the kids involved in stuff (scouts, etc etc...) I remember from when we were in our house several years ago (before it hit the fan!!) and I remember at about the year mark feeling the same anxious lonely feeling... you aren't really new, so you feel like you should have a ton of friends, know your way around town...

UGH. Anyone else feel this way and want to commiserate, or tell me feeling at home takes time

purplejacket4 posted 8/28/2013 23:25 PM

What size city are you in? Are there any church groups, volunteer groups, or hobby clubs you could get invoked in?

Gottagetthrough posted 8/28/2013 23:32 PM

its pretty small, but we are in all of those things. =)

I just feel, I don't know... outside the group... maybe too its because ive been focused on the kids and getting them settled into our new place, and I haven't found my niche

Sad in AZ posted 8/29/2013 05:22 AM

First of all, stop worrying about the kids; they will find their own social level. Once they are in school, it will even out. If they learn to entertain themselves, it will go a long way toward their personal well-being.

As for yourself, you can take what I say with a grain of sal because I'm an introvert and shy, so I don't seek out groups of people. I lived in a moderate sized city for 20 years and had one good friend that I met about 14 years into my residency.

Do you have a hobby or are you interested in some kind of hobby? Start there; don't worry about connecting with people. Find something that makes you happy, and I'll bet you find ways to share it with people.

authenticnow posted 8/29/2013 05:40 AM

Gottagetthrough,

I understand how you are feeling. We moved to a pretty rural area almost 3 years ago. We waited for DD to graduate HS and went away to school but she still hates it when she's home. She only recently made a few friends at her part time job (when she's home) and socialized a little with them this past summer.

I still feel like a fish out of water here, although I convinced myself it was what I wanted (to be away from people), but I just do not fit in with the locals here. It did take some time and I've made a couple of friends. I actually met a woman while I was walking my dogs and she invited me to her book club. That was two years ago and I have met some women who I'd consider friends now. H and I socialize occasionally with a couple of them and their husbands.

I think it's easier when you have young kids because it kind of forces you to be connected with the community. Keep doing what you're doing and I think in time you will feel more comfortable and at home there.

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