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WS using Verbal Abuse to Justify Actions

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Averyhurtgirl posted 8/28/2013 23:39 PM

My BS has been trying to convince everyone (his family/my family) that he cheated on me because I verbally abused him. Sure, I got married really young and said stupid stuff when we first got married (I wish I never married him etc) but only when he was aggressive towards me. But he is justifying his actions by saying he was verbally abused etc.

We had our family court mediation meeting and my BS filed for Domestic Violence saying that I verbally Abused him.

It is frustrating because I know he is going to tell everyone that its the reason we got divorced. Trying to play the victim again.

Nature_Girl posted 8/28/2013 23:44 PM

Your BS or your WS? Are you the cheater? Or did he cheat on you? I need to get that straight in my head before I know what to respond.

Averyhurtgirl posted 8/29/2013 00:27 AM

Opps I meant I am the BS, he cheated on me

Nature_Girl posted 8/29/2013 00:33 AM

My STBX also has lied about me to justify his actions. Lied & twisted the truth. My gosh, he actually was telling his IC that I was the abuser and he was codep!

My advice to you is what I've been doing. I hold my head up high and speak my truth. Most people see right through STBX's BS. However, he didn't file a DV charge against me. That would chap my hide big time. I'd need to refute that since that's a serious accusation with serious, long-term ramifications that could prevent you from getting a job.

MyReturn2Me posted 8/29/2013 09:27 AM


I'm sorry this is happening to you. These dudes suck.

RyeBread posted 8/29/2013 11:44 AM

There is never a justification for an A. Your WS needs to own the fact that he made a choice to be unfaithful to you. If you are or have been abusive towards him that is still not a justification.

From what you wrote it does sound like there is/was a cycle of abuse going on between the two of you. Are you in IC to help you work through that issue?

Averyhurtgirl posted 8/30/2013 15:31 PM

Yes, I am in therapy.

I did say somethings in the beginning of our marriage that I should not have said. But only when he was physically aggressive towards me.

Kajem posted 8/30/2013 15:38 PM

Contact your local Domestic Violence shelter or support group. They can either help you navigate this legally or give you guidance on how to do refute it. You aren't the first abuse victim an abuser has turned the tables on legally. They know how to deal with the system... utilize their expertise.

Good luck,


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