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So I've reached anger

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Completelybroken posted 8/29/2013 03:37 AM

It's been two months since my WH told me about his A ( 2-3 month PA still working out how long the EA part of it was) from 5 years ago. All I have done is cry and be sad. He has done everything I ask of him shown true remorse, given me full transperancy access to everything spent hours truthfully answering my god awful questions. I feel like I have the full picture now and I am fucking pissed the fuck off!
I want to scream and hit and yell and call him horrible names. At first I was mad that slut stole something that was mine then I realized she didn't steal anything- he GAVE it away easily and without a thought.
Supposedly he hated how she kissed and the sex wasn't that great ( they fucked 4 times) so how could u give something so special to someone you don't care about?
So yeah I'm pissed and don't know how to deal with the anger in a productive way ( if that's even possible)
Is it possible to get over the anger?
How do you get over this much anger? I've never been so pissed in my whole life and the level of anger I have scares me.

MovingUpward posted 8/29/2013 08:12 AM

The anger will take some working through but it can go away.

I've never been so pissed in my whole life and the level of anger I have scares me.

This should be a red flag for you to look at getting some professional help. You don't want this to cause you to act out on it. Go look for some anger management books or groups, find a counselor. Personally I think that the counselor is the best as they can assess the situation and direct and redirect as needed.

I'd also encourage you to write these feelings down. It does tend to help some because you have to start working through them in order to be able to express the feelings on paper.

mixedintherut posted 8/29/2013 08:46 AM

Anger is natural.

Like you, the amount of anger I was feeling was scaring me. Right along with some of my thoughts and feelings.

I think counseling and a journal can be your best friend!

Do you have a friend that you can talk to and tell everything? I felt like telling my sister helped hold me to a sense of "If I do this, she is going to know", and strayed me from doing it.

Completelybroken posted 8/29/2013 10:01 AM

Thank you for the suggestions
I am in IC but I've just been sad. I guess now its time to address anger.
I keep putting off journaling but I think it's defiantly time to start.
I do have a friend who knows and I usually feel better after I talk to her.
Also it's confusing since I do have pmdd Ian's it's that time (sorry tmi) and I don't know what is anger cause of the A and what's the pmdd :-( I'm so confused hurt and PISSED

Nohopeleft posted 8/29/2013 22:42 PM

Anger is kind of my default emotion. I have never known anger like I have experienced with this. It does get better. I definitely found my anger was worse around that time of month.

Jrazz posted 8/29/2013 22:49 PM

Just know that like every other point in the rollercoaster of emotion that comes after this betrayal, there are peaks and valleys.

I remember being scared by my anger and doing stupid things. Coming here helped give me perspective and calm.

There comes a point where the mind movies slow and the anger ebbs. Not to say it goes away, but we feel less aggressive and it's such a relief.

Physical exertion helped me in the months following DDay when I wanted to put my fist through a window every day. The more I exercised, the more I was able to control the rage.

It won't always feel like this.


emotionalgirl posted 8/29/2013 23:26 PM

Remember every one of us is grieving the loss of our trust and our idealism of our marriage. There are 5 stages of grief. What most books, counsellors and other people forget to mention is that you can swing around in those middle stages for a long time, sliding from anger to bargaining and back to anger etc. it is normal and expected. Eventually we pass through all the stage and reach the last stage acceptance....we can however regress again.

We all need to remember that everyone grieves at different rates . What is normal for one of us may be completely abnormal for the next person. So let's all agree to give ourselves some slack and be gentle with ourselves we will all find healing eventually.

devasted30 posted 8/30/2013 05:58 AM

Only thing that helped me was letting it out. I screamed, yelled and threw things. I'm not happy that I did it, but it released me. Then after that, I sobbed and sobbed.
Now when I get angry, I golf or some other kind of exercise. Maybe a punching bag would help? Or running?

Daisy312 posted 8/30/2013 06:34 AM

I'm 17 months out and I still have bouts of anger. I hate it because I feel so out of control. Totally out of character for me. I think my anger is still popping up because my FWH still works with ow and it still affects us because even though he says he isn't speaking to her they still pass each other, still have mass emails they have to include each other in, he still has too look at her schedule so he an avoid her, etc... Im hoping though with time it will get easier. I keep trying to focus on one day at a time.

Missymomma posted 8/30/2013 08:14 AM

Oh, Anger was HUGE for me! My IC said that the anger was there to motivate me to make change. And it did, change what I would accept in the marriage and change the way my WH and I interacted. It was a long stage for me but it can be worked through. Just know that anger is a normal stage in the process and not a permanent state.

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