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one book or multiple?

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DaturaMetel posted 8/29/2013 06:56 AM

We are just starting our R and I have read surviving an affair by Willard Harley and I was curious if any of you have used this book and if it worked for you. Also wondering if it is wise to stick with just one book for the framework of R or if using more than one is better or worse?

simpleD posted 8/29/2013 07:25 AM

I read multiple books. Getting different perspectives helped me find where I fit, what things aligned with my situations, personality & values.

I recommend:

Not just friends by Shirley Glass

Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.

How to help your spouse from your affair (a compact manual) by Linda MacDonald.

I'm new to SI (2 years post DDay) and got through them with the hekp on books and a lot of hard work. since being on SI, I also found many good articles in the Healing Library.

If you are of a religious background, I found the articles on Family Life website to be uplifting and encouraging.

Highly recommend the Family Life "Weekend to Remember" marriage retreat.

Best of luck to you,

DaturaMetel posted 8/29/2013 07:29 AM

Thx for the input simpleD. Once you had read the books did you guys stick to one throughout the R. I guess I was looking at it as the contract that we are to refer to during this process.

simpleD posted 8/29/2013 10:49 AM

No, we didn't stick to just one book as our guide or contract. We took the best of each book, what tips, pointers or issues we personally connected with and forge into to trying to recover. You probably won't agree with everything from one author. There is not just one perfect book. Take what you can from whatever information you have access to & disregard what is not relevant to you.

My fWH said when I was reading, Not Just Friends, I would seem more angry & confrontational about certain issues. I believe he was right because as I was reading through different chapters, it would bring up triggers for me and/or other questions about past events or feelings. Then I would need to talk with him about my concerns & try to process it. We also went to MC which was quite helpful.

DaturaMetel posted 8/29/2013 13:16 PM

We have been seeing a MC for some time now they are playing a good role in this as well. Thanks for the input. Better get to reading more. :)

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