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Camalus posted 8/29/2013 08:00 AM

MODS: You may want to move this to another forum

I spent a lot of the time in IC yesterday discussing shutting down the mind movies, or at least mitigating some of the effects. None of the techniques the therapist suggests are foolproof or easy to master. I will need to experiment and figure out what works best for me then practice, practice, and more practice. Hope to God at least one of them works.

The therapist made one comment in passing that didn’t sink in until I was on the way home. She stated the truth is often the best killer of Mind Movies and then went on to add that what I was imagining was very likely much worse than reality… the affair sex was in all probability ‘vanilla’ in scope.

For those of you that have managed to find out details, were the movies in your minds worse than what actually went on or is that just a fable my therapist is feeding me to make me feel better?

1ost0ne posted 8/29/2013 08:04 AM

For me, the truth did help the Mind Movies. I had an image that kept playing in my head. When my WW would share the details (TT), it did end that. What happened next is that depression and anxiety kicked in when my suspicions where actually true.

velvethammer posted 8/29/2013 09:38 AM

The details didn't help my mind movies. She's fat, hairy (doesn't even bikini trim that shit), ugly and got a "special outfit" from Wal Mart (t-shirt and boxer shorts) for their tryst. Uh huh...She fought with him to keep her t-shirt on during 9 of their 11 times because of the blubber issue which he even said, "her stomach just kind of flapped around and hung down in one position they tried" but it didn't work for them because she ultimately just wanted to do missionary, one speed (she made him slow down if he tried any other speed) and no talking (she actually covered his mouth and shushed him when he tried a little dirty talk).

For that and her stating before he flew out to fuck her for 4 days that she doesn't really like sex, wears spanx, doesn't think it will actually be good, and that she's "saving herself for him" when he would jerk off sexting he left the "beast" which is how he describes me in the bedroom. That just makes me crazy mad. All she said during the sexting was "what else" to his comments of what he would do. What else?!!! She didn't send pics (until after they met up in Chicago and he was trying to end it with her to work on things with me) and she didn't masturbate...just "what else". Really? He got an ego boost from THAT?

Just another angry day. Yippee

3Xthefool posted 8/29/2013 13:26 PM

I agree that the "truth" can help with the MindMovies but as lostOne mentioned it can also confirm your worst suspicions or turn out to be worse than your worst suspicions.

For me, WW refused to provide any details of her "activities" with these other men (5 OMs total during our 10yr marriage).

Eventually I didn't need her to divulge the details because I discovered her secret Photovault on her iPhone and bought a computer app which allowed me to retrieve hidden as well as deleted information off her iPhone. The pictures and video clips I found really put some perspective on her "activities".

The unfortunate drawback to this was that I found a couple of pictures that I have not been able to get out of my mind. These were pictures of the last LTA OMs hand with a brand new ring on it.....which I can only assume was something that she purchased for him as a "promise" ring (or worse.....that the two of them somehow got secretly engaged or married) .......even though WW insists that she had no emotional ties to OM and that her affair was purely sexual in nature.