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Total carnage (vent)

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HereWeGo62 posted 8/29/2013 08:26 AM

Yesterday I started to realize the extent of collateral damage done to my family and circle of friends.

The damage starts with my children. My DS18 is filled with rage and hardly speaks to my fww or me. He does not know of the A but time used to heal the M was time taken away from him during his teenage years. He is now in IC and on medication.

My FIL used to be like a father to me, he will no longer speak to me because I filed for divorce from his darling innocent daughter. He also does not know about the A. I have respected his wishes and we no longer speak. My MIL is also in the "hates me" camp. She may know of the A, I am not sure. When I filed for D she offered to pay for a shark lawyer so my fww could take me for everything (she cheated on FIL, they D'd).

My F of 25 years ex-communicated me because I informed a BW that she was being cheated on by her H. The H was also a very long term friend of his.

For performance reasons I was demoted from my mgmt position and sent back to the engineering group. I also received a less than spectacular review which meant no raises or bonuses for at least a year.

Large amounts of money have been spent on doctors, IC, medication, etc.

I am now on AD meds, high BP meds and I have zero tolerance for just about anything.

The list goes on and on but I will stop for now. Thanks for listening.

Jennifer99 posted 8/29/2013 08:39 AM

I'm so sorry HereWeGo.
I once sat down and made a list like that. Then I heard my grandmother speaking (now I hear voices too lol) "This too shall pass".

I hope you and your children soon find your way through to some happy.

SisterMilkshake posted 8/29/2013 09:32 AM

I know this is a vent, HereWeGo62, and I am sorry for what you have lost because of the affair. Yes, there is so much collateral damage.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but I am going to give you a suggestion. How about telling your DS18 and your FIL the truth? I understand not wanting to tell, believe me. I haven't told our children or anyone for that matter.

However, if my DS17 was filled with rage, barely speaking to me, on medication and going to IC I feel I would tell him the truth as it may help him understand and help him heal. It is hard to heal when you don't know what you are healing from, kwim? It works that way for our children, too.

Also, tell your FIL. Why do you have to carry this burden? If your fww was truly remorseful she wouldn't allow her father to treat you this way and she would confess. What is her reason for not telling her father?

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 9:33 AM, August 29th (Thursday)]

Thinkingtoomuch posted 8/29/2013 11:27 AM

Wow, HereWeGo,

I am so sorry. I think alot of us here realize the full effect potential. Rough. Very rough.

My first year I had heard of the "infidelity diet" and me being very thin knew I'd have to work very hard not to lose more weight or I'd get very sick. Well, I didn't lose weight, but the next year I was a "walking sick" person for several months (bronchitis and constantly exhausted)and wondered if I'd ever get better. Continued working to keep some "normal". I still feel tired alot of the time.

Yes, am still affected by what happened and hope my nervous system can heal alot more. I too am more sensitive to everyting, and I cannot tolerate disrespect on any level. And it's everywhere. I actually have had a few serious health situations this year and it has taken a toll on me. After several crazy making phone conversations with my one insurance company I ended up with something like chest pain to the point I did not want to EVER talk to them again.

Your not speaking the truth is showing you what holding the stress in does to your body, mind, health and life. In your situation, I tend to agree with Sister. Telling these people the truth may free up alot of mysteries your children are living with--something like the "elephant in the room".

Are you in R? D?

Keep yourself safe and keep the belief that you can get healthier. Never give up.

My best to you and hugs.

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