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The big hole the A leaves

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TattoodChinaDoll posted 8/29/2013 09:45 AM

I'm an idiot. I really had to do this to myself? The stupid title of the article says it all. But of course I HAD to watch it.

Of course I'm crying like a baby at how much he loved his wife. I know that I can't assume, and it most likely wasn't, a "perfect" relationship the entire time. I'm sure he made her cry. I'm sure they screamed at each other at least once. Who knows...maybe they both cheated. But, when you see someone react like that you don't want to think those things happened a lot or at all. It made me sad to know my marriage will never be "perfect" like that. And I don't mean without fighting, arguments, as bad times (at least nothing like an A). It feels like there is a hole in our story. Like I wasn't worthy to have something complete, intact, special, and untainted. I know I am worthy of it. And I know that nothing can be taken back. It feels like I'm missing the middle part of the book of my life. Now that we are reconciling, it does make me feel good to know that I have many, many good years ahead of me that can be wonderful. Hell...we can conceivably have 50 or more years together. But our story doesn't start now. And yes, I can "think" like it does or make this a "new beginning." I just don't think like that. Uggggghhhh...damn cute elderly people and their love stories!!!

brokendancer7 posted 8/29/2013 12:41 PM

You are braver than I am! I saw that story posted on Facebook and couldn't bring myself to click it. You expressed perfectly how I knew I would feel if I did.

SisterMilkshake posted 8/29/2013 12:50 PM

There was a thread in General yesterday about this. I think it was called "This is heartwarming". Yeah, I knew it was going to be tear jerker (and I hate my tears being jerked!) but watched anyway.

I am sorry it made you think of everything you have lost in your marriage, TCD.

I didn't really think of my marriage at first. It will be my parents 65th wedding anniversary this September. It made me think of them. Guess what my sweet mama's name is, too? But, then I thought of FWH and me. I feel we will both feel that way when one of us goes to the great beyond, the affair hasn't changed that for us.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 8/29/2013 14:26 PM

I guess part of my trouble with it is that I either need to learn to or get over the whole "taking a trigger or place back." So I always have that empty hole because I just don't feel like doing that is my personality. For example, WH put his hand on OW's thigh a lot. I could easily have him do it to me to take it back. I don't even like touching my own thigh anymore. But I just don't feel the empowerment to taking it back. Maybe creating my own holes.

SisterMilkshake posted 8/29/2013 14:29 PM

I understand, TCD. But, really, this is what reconciliation is about. It is us willing to be vulnerable to our spouses again. It is about taking back what is rightfully ours. Yes, it is hard and full of pain, but the payoff is and can be quite wonderful.

ionlytalkedtoher posted 8/29/2013 20:02 PM

I feel it too.

ever see those swiffer comericals where the 2 old people talk about their life ? I get the same feeling. I thought , well I bet they didn't cheat on each other. And then I feel sad.

SisterMilkshake posted 8/29/2013 20:16 PM

those swiffer comericals where the 2 old people
I bet they didn't cheat on each other.
You never know.

If I didn't feel that FWH and I could get to a place like these two senior couples are, then WTF am I doing? No, I refuse to believe that we can't be more in love with each other each and every day.

If I can't have the love of my life by my side at the end feeling this way, or I am not by my husband's side feeling this way about him in the end, then I should get a divorce right now, because what is the point of going through all this then?

That is effen' settling and I won't settle for a crap marriage anymore. Rather be alone then settle for less.

somanyyears posted 8/29/2013 20:17 PM


It feels like there is a hole in our story. It feels like I'm missing the middle part of the book of my life.

..a '40 year' hole.. the entire book needed a re-write based on the 'new' information!!


joeboo posted 8/29/2013 22:01 PM

Topic: The big hole the A leaves

I read this topic several times before I finally relaized it didn't say what I thought it said. What I read was:

Topic: The big A hole leaves

Sorry for the t/j, I couldn't keep it to myself any longer.

TattoodChinaDoll posted 8/29/2013 22:06 PM

Thank you for the much needed laugh!

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