This is the hall of mirrors. Where you will face yourself. Buckle up.
Unfortunately the only answer I have is, time. And consistent action from you.
Doing all the sweet little things are nice. Notes, compliments, flowers, candy, etc. That's all well and good. But really, the best thing you could ever do for either of you is to become a safe, sane person. Figure out why you are so broken. Figure out why you made those choices. Then change. Safeguard yourself. Shore up your boundaries.
Listen to your GF. If she says to buzz of, respect that. She may need space. It takes an awful lot for our BSs to work thru this crap. They have to process it, mull it over, work thru it. Respect that it's going to take time. Lots of ups and downs.
It doesn't feel like enough, I know. Been there, done that. Just keep listening to her, and be proactive.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne