In the past week, there have been numerous incidences that have angered me to the core.
On Friday, I had to meet the douche at a grocery store to drop my daughter off since it was his weekend with her. Normally we meet at a different location but it was not that big of a deal. As we approached the car, I saw his big old stupid head looking around for us. As we approached, there was the homewrecking slut standing by the car. The sight of her literally makes me sick to my stomach. I hug my daughter good bye and as she approaches the car, the slut hugs her and says, "Hi honey! Missed you! Are you ready to go?" in a super loud, annoying voice. I shoot her a look and sprint across the parking lot to my car almost in tears. I still cannot get used to the idea of this homewrecker being a part of my daughter's life. It's bad enough having to hear about her from my daughter, but to see her actually around her and hugging her was like a knife in my heart. I sat down in my car and had to take deep breaths and wipe the tears from my eyes. And I completely lost my appetite so I couldn't eat dinner at all. I think OW does things like that on purpose. Just to get to me. And it works.
Also, the other day, my daughter, who is only 10 years old, starts her period. I have discussed this with her in advance and let her read a book about it, so she knew what to expect. She had a visitation night with the wonder couple last night, and my daughter tells me that slut decides to have a talk with my daughter about puberty and periods. Not cool! I am her mom and that's what I'm there for!
Next, ex decides to switch the two evenings he sees her this week from Tuesday and Wednesday to Tuesday and Friday. He does this often, switching schedules when it is convenient for him or when there is some sort of super fun event or occasion that he wants her around for. He never gives me a reason, however. I always find out from my daughter what's going on. I find out this morning the reason for the switch from my daughter: the slut's parents are coming for a visit and the ex and slut want her there to visit with these people who she barely knows exist. It just doesn't seem right that he can just switch around the visitation schedule for something like this. That's my scheduled night with her and my scheduled weekend. I kept my mouth shut once again to keep the peace because I absolutely hate dealing with him.
And, as the icing on the cake, I have been told that he and slut are planning a vacation over spring break (Disney and a cruise) and want my daughter to go. He never asks if this is OK, he just tells me this is the way it is. It upsets me on so many levels. Since the divorce has left me pretty much living paycheck to paycheck with no extra money, I have to watch him take my daughter places that I can't take her. And with the slut who destroyed my marriage. How is any of this fair?! I am so sick of him and wish he would just leave us alone.
I hate having to see him as much as I do. I see him more now than when I was married to the asshole. I know there's not much I can do. I have eight more years of co-parenting with this asshat and it sucks! I hate that my daughter is from a broken home and is shuttled back and forth from house to house and that she has a whore for a stepmother. I am sick of this whole stupid arrangement.
Stop switching. Just. Say. No. You don't need to explain, but if you want, just say while in school, it's best we stick to the schedule. Then ignore. You do not switch to make things more convenient for him, especially if he's just telling you, not saying hey, I have tickets to Les Mes on Tuesday, and I'd really like to take her, could I? He's not respecting your time. Just say no. Is it going to tick him off? Probably. Ignore. You don't need to discuss with him.
Co-parenting doesn't mean you have to be a doormat. Re-read your agreement, and stick to it. Also, is he paying everything he's suppose to? He should be paying half the school expenses, clothing..whatever. It may help give you a little extra.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
Sticking to the agreement is good advice. My XWH has wanted to "change" things before, and I've simply said no, that's not in the agreement. If he wants to change the agreement, then he can hire his very expensive lawyer to do so, and my XWH doesn't want to do that at all.
I know how you feel. Don't let that classless bitch get to you. She's totally putting on a show, hoping to make you feel like crap. Thing is, she IS crap. Don't let a steaming pile of dung upset you. Just picture her with steam emanating from her and flies circling her the next time you see her, and remember that she's not hurting your DD, bullying her, leaving her out, etc. She's putting on a unicorn sparkle show for your XWH, which is probably best for your DD under the circumstances. I wonder how long that will last?
2- Stop being accommodating on his switching, draw up a visitation plan and stick to it with a stipulation of 48 hour notice and it has to be agreed upon by you and him.
And, devistatedmom, you are right. I need to quit being a doormat to him and start saying no. I need to quit caring if he gets mad or not. I don't know why I should care. He has always intimidated me and knows how to get under my skin. I need to put a stop to this. Next time he tries a schedule switch, I am just going to say no. Unfortunately, there is nothing in the divorce papers saying which two evenings during the week he gets her. We just agreed upon Tuesdays and Wednesdays. As far as what he is paying, at first, he tried to get away with saying "that's covered in the child support" about all of her extras. I was quick to point out that much of the stuff he said that was "covered in the child support" is not. So, he has gotten a little better about helping pay for extras. But even with that, I don't make enough to afford any of the fancy trips they take her on. I work full time, 40 hours a week, but my job just doesn't pay enough for me to afford the nice vacations.
An tryingagain74, you are right about OW being a classless bitch. And I guess it's better that she's putting on her "unicorn sparkle show",-which by the way, I love that phrase! - than treating her badly. It's just hard think of my daughter spending time with her.
Thank you all for your advice, kindness, understanding and support. Finding this forum and knowing that I am not alone has been a tremendous help! (((hugs)))
Tonight, my daughter will be spending time with the slut's parents, who have come for a visit. I am just cringing at the thought. I can't wait until that visit is over, then I have her all weekend and I get a break from the asshat and his slut!
My daughter is not looking forward to seeing them at all and asked me why she had to spend time with them. I didn't really have an answer for her. Then she asked me, "Mom, I wonder if they know what kind of daughter they raised?" All I could do was smile when she asked met that. My daughter is wise beyond her years!
Over the past couple of years and the more she matures, the more she understands about relationships. She knows you don't treat people like dirt. And she especially knows that a husband doesn't treat his wife the way me ex treated me. She knows that marriage is sacred and that affairs are wrong. She has become more resentful of him and merely tolerates his presence. It saddens me to hear her say things like she doesn't know if she ever wants to get married and that she is afraid she will end up with someone like her father. It breaks my heart that she feels this way. But I can see why she is so afraid. All I can do is assure her that there are good people in the world and there is someone out there who will appreciate her for who she is. I know what he did affected her and made her grow up way before she needed to, and for that, I despise him even more.
If your children are anything like my daughter, the older they get, the more they will understand. And, like my daughter, they will just tolerate their father and his skank. Actually, my daughter says she doesn't like either one of them because they are "bad people." It's such a shame that these selfish jerks who have affairs and destroy families think nothing about how it will affect the children.
Nothing depresses me more than having to go somewhere with that asshat and sign for a passport for my daughter for a trip that I cannot take with her.
And it's the same trip that we took on our honeymoon 18 years ago..three days in Disney and a two day cruise to the Bahamas. When will the hurt and humiliation stop?
It will stop -with time and detachment. I think you can sign an affidavit for the passport. Call the passport office and ask. It might be worth not having to deal with him.
Hugs, I know it hurts now, but it won't last forever .
It still hurts that he is taking her on this trip that was pretty much our honeymoon!
If I was someone's new GF and they suggested we take a trip they took on their honeymoon I'd feel weird about it.
Further proof that OW is getting sloppy seconds.
MrH signed for the kids' passports while he was in Jordan and we were in the US. It was notarized at the embassy and really a big PITA to jump through hoops. IMO, perfect for your X to have to deal with
All that said, he might be able to have the papers at your local passport office (Post Office for us) and he can come by to sign after you do.