This one is for the NB newbies. We hear a lot that the Relationships with the OP don't last. When it does go on for a while we start to wondering about it. Well even if it does last...it doesn't most of the time. 5 years wasted for my X and OW. Unhealthy has a way of attracted unhealthy. Get healthy before you get a relationship!
I've known my X since elementary school. He was the first boy I ever kissed when I was in Jr. HS. We dated off and until I graduated (a year before him)
I went to college. He joined the military. He married the girl he was dating after I went to college. He would occasionally stop by and visit my mom. They were close. His first wife cheated and D'd her right as he was leaving the military and moving home.
He was barely single a year when we started dating. He'd been dating like crazy and living in what was the uber fantastic bachelor pad with his best friend. We were together a long time and then came OW. Truthfully there were probably a lot more than her. Oddly that bothers me the most.
6 years ago the first week of August 2007 he hurt more than he did when I found out about OW. It wasn't a DDay in the SI sense but it was the moment I knew our M was on a cliff. 6 months later was DDay.
So he and OW have had a 5+ year relationship. Over the summer it has been ending. I can always tell when things aren't good with the OW b/c he reaches out to me or DS in weird ways. He did again yesterday. I've been trying to maintain NC since we had our D papers notarized. I got sucked into a conversation about DS college expenses. I should've stopped it but I was in the middle of it before I realized it. OW is moving out this weekend.
We had a long tearful talk about about a lot of things. Many of them were important to me and I may post more about them later. But what struck me is that he's a 40+ year old man alone for the first time with no immediate prospects and he doesn't know how to be alone. Its sad. He and the OW were fighting all the time and there were trust issues. She is the one that decided to leave. He says he's relieved but didn't want to end it b/c he didn't want to be alone.
But that's just a lot of water
As for the OW -- all I can say is I told you so.
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler