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eyenight posted 8/29/2013 13:57 PM

I found out an old boyfriend got engaged. So, I wished him a happy engagement. The girl he is engaged to is the girl he left me for. I don't have ill feelings about. It was distance, he and i got together when I just landed the job I have now. He lives in a completely different state.
The thing is after that initial contact he has been contacting me quiet a bit. He and I were talking about all the good old times and he had something to get off his chest. He pretty much told me he wishes that I would of moved where he was when he asked me too. I simply told him that I just got a job with a start date and they are expecting me to be there, I can't just cancel and say sorry. I also couldn't move without a job. I couldnt have him supporting me, that isn't how I am. Hes was like I would of done it in a heartbeat and we could look for jobs for you together.
He told me the reason why he couldnt contact me before was his g/f blocked me from everything. I told him why? I am not a threat, I live nowhere near you. He said yes you are. You are a total package. I told him that that is her issue. She is jealous of I dont know what.
I told him that it sounds like he is having doubts about marrying her. He said he is. He has been engaged to her for 2 months and she has changed. Not in a good way. The relationship is getting worse. But he feels trapped because of the kids her kids and his, they are all attached. He told me she is smothering him to the point that he wants out. I told him if you have doubts now don't get married for a while. Be engaged for a while and see how it goes, if you still have doubts then break it off. The least you can do is talk to her. He told me he doesnt want to hurt her feelings. I told him if you get married you are going to have to talk about things that might hurt feelings if you cant do that now then dont marry her.
He and i got on the subject of family. I told him how my sister got married and she is moving down south and she asked me to go with her and I am going as soon as I get a job down south in around the area she is going to be living. What I forgot is that he lives in the next town over of where I am going to move and he mentioned that he lives in the next town over from where I will be. I told him yeah thats going to be weird.
His cold feet is getting the better of him.
I realized the other night that he still has feels for me and the what ifs are getting to him, because he knows if he gets married he has to cut me from his life, which it sounds like he doesnt want to do that.
I quit texting him back when he texts me. I don't want to get anything started. I also don't want any trouble.
I am not rethinking moving down south to where my sister is because I don't want trouble, I don't want to get on that slippery slope with him and I am more than sure it would come to that.

Crescita posted 8/29/2013 15:03 PM

I told him that that is her issue. She is jealous of I dont know what.

This isn't about you. This is about her and her fiance and many details he is leaving out. Yet even the ones he has provided make it crystal clear that he is part of the problem. She is jealous because her fiance thinks it is okay to discuss their relationship problems with other women. He thinks it is okay to approach other women and talk about what could have been and should be. If it wasn't you it would be someone else. He is demonstrating poor boundaries, and I think we all know that slippery slope too well. Keep your own boundaries up and continue to avoid him. He is indeed a mess, and if he cared for you so much he wouldn't have been relationship hopping in the first place. He left you for another woman because you wouldn't quit your job and leave the state with him? Seriously

lieshurt posted 8/29/2013 15:30 PM

I told him that that is her issue. She is jealous of I dont know what.

Hmmmm....maybe she's jealous because her fiance is having inappropriate conversations with other you in this case. Come on....none of that conversation should have occurred. You should have nipped in the bud from the start. Why didn't you?

click4it posted 8/29/2013 15:38 PM

It is a mess, but you don't have to let it get messier for yourself. He's got engaged and he's talking to you saying it still should have been you?? That's terrible for the girl he's in engaged to and says quite a bit about him - meaning he is just latching on to someone for security.

I think your gut told you right when you didn't just go down there with no job. You knew he wasn't the one for you.

For your sanity, don't engage with him anymore. He's engaged and shouldn't be talking about "what ifs" with you. You don't diserve that.


[This message edited by click4it at 3:38 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]

Kajem posted 8/29/2013 17:29 PM

I'm not sure that I wouldn't tell his fiancé.

He is a mess, when did you realize it? And why keep talking to him? What will you do when he finds you after you move near your sister?

I don't think he is done contacting you.


nowiknow23 posted 8/29/2013 17:36 PM

I don't want to get on that slippery slope with him and I am more than sure it would come to that.
It already has. That conversation was 10 kinds of wrong.

Crickets and brick walls are the ONLY appropriate response here.

GabyBaby posted 8/29/2013 17:55 PM

I agree with NIK in that the conversation(s) were inappropriate. I also think that it/they showed a lack of boundaries on not only his part, but yours too.
You were getting a nice ego stroke, whether you want to admit it or not and that was extremely disrespectful to his fiance.

As soon as the topics turned to the trips down memory lane and how perfect you are, you should have cut him off.
I think that you should let his fiance know what happened, then go NC with both of them.
If he isn't already a wayward, it doesnt sound like it'd take much to for him to cross the line. She should know before she marries him.

Weatherly posted 8/29/2013 19:00 PM

Hmmmm....maybe she's jealous because her fiance is having inappropriate conversations with other you in this case

My thoughts exactly.

Undefinabl3 posted 8/30/2013 12:58 PM

I have to agree. You need to cut away from him and stop being a part of his slipery slope.

Tell him that if he is that unhappy, then he needs to talk to his fiance and not you, handle it like a man with morals rather then try to strike a flame with you or any other woman, and then either block him or unfriend him to make your point.

NeverAgain2013 posted 8/30/2013 13:07 PM

What I forgot is that he lives in the next town over of where I am going to move and he mentioned that he lives in the next town over from where I will be. I told him yeah thats going to be weird.

Come on, now. I don't believe for a second you 'forgot' that he was right in the next town over. Out of all the towns your sister could move to, she chose that area - and you made sure to let him know you want to move there, too. Yet, you but claim that you forgot he lives in the neighboring town.

You need to at least own your sh*t, eyenight.

I do want to say, however, that this is the guy who dumped you for someone else. Doesn't matter if you lived states apart or not - he dumped you when a better opportunity came along.

Now here is, once AGAIN, out shopping for the bigger, better deal. And don't think for a second when he thinks he's found it that he won't dump this girl like a bad habit - just like he did you.

I wouldn't even give this player the time of day.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 1:11 PM, August 30th (Friday)]

alphakitte posted 8/30/2013 13:27 PM

This is a mess of your own making.

Something to think about is that your family of origin has lots of dysfunction, and drama, going on. Drama creates hot spots in the brin similar to how sexual activity does. You may have a craving for drama that you don't even recognize.

Regardless, you may not have healthy boundaries yourself, yet.

Faithful w/Love posted 8/30/2013 13:30 PM

I am sorry, but reading your conversation with your X was like, well, bullcrap! You know he is getting married and you are talking to him alot? You shouldn't even been speaking to him in that way. You know better and you just put yourself in a place of a OW but hopefully you don't ever go there! Stay away from him, he is taken. And don't fall for his crap about you two again. You just fed a fire ready to start! Re-read your post and see what it sounds like to you. Not friendly more like ego stroken and flirtiness. PLEEEEEAASSSEEE And how are you going to tell him not to marry his fiance? He needs to talk to her NOT you about it and I am sorry but I get sick of men and women feeding into this crap instead of nippin it in the ass to begin with!

ajsmom posted 8/30/2013 13:36 PM

I don't want to get anything started.

Ummm...WAY too late for that.

eyenight, meet Slippery Slope.

The usual drama llama petting.

Big time.


frigidfire86 posted 8/30/2013 16:12 PM

When I got about a quarter of the way into your post I thought, "slippery slope. " And it just went downhill from there... You should have stopped that conversation way earlier.

alphakitte posted 8/30/2013 20:32 PM

Eyenight, I hope you aren't feeling beat upon. Regardless, I'm wishing you the best.

eyenight posted 9/2/2013 16:43 PM

You guyws are right. I told him why do I need to know what is going on in his relationship, its non of my business, also told him that all we have are memories. I also told him that I couldn't be his friend, its totally not appropriate and he needs to talk to the g/f and explain his doubts to her.
I also thought that this x had moved to a different town, he did move just closer to the big city where I am going to be.
I am not going to be the OW, in this at all.
He and I do have a long history together We have know each other for over 10 years, longer then he has know his g/f. I have accepted that the timing for him and I is never going to happen, I moved on from him a long time ago. I would never start anything with him at this point.
If I did have his g/f number I would tell her about his doubts and tell her she needs to talk to him about it. Im not going to be the trouble maker here. I dont like having enemies at all, I don't hold bad blood for any of my exes except sons dad. Its harder to hate someone the tolerate them.

alphakitte posted 9/3/2013 07:34 AM

Eyenight, I noticed that you posted that you found out that an xboyfriend got engaged and you wished him a happy engagement. That sounds like you contacted him.

You might want to ask yourself why you would do that. If I were the x, I might think, "What the heck, she knows I'm engaged, but she called anyway,mlet's see what I can get away with."

Look at the areas, and relationships in your life that invite drama, and weakness. Weakness attracts weakness and you have to change weak thinking to irradicate weakness.

Don't look to your past (including x-relationships), it isn't where youo are headed.

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