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Question for all you....insight needed.

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brokensmile322 posted 8/29/2013 14:14 PM

Hi everyone.

I have a general question of for you. I am not in this forum at the moment, but I read it often.

My GF is going through a D with her husband who is making her life miserable. You know the story.

He questions how good of mom she is and makes her feel guilty. He also makes references to her dating and being a slut. She has not done so yet. Her kids are her priority. I really thinks he does it to bully her, in advance, if you KWIM?

Anyway, I was out with my WH this past weekend. Her STBxh was out with a female at a VERY local restaurant. He is not friends with my husband. Made an effort to be seen by both of us by tapping my husband on the shoulder. Later he sent an inapropriate pic of this female to my husband. My WH doesn't even have him in his phone. It is so bizarre.

Anyway, I don't think my GF really cares for him anymore. I do think it would hurt either way. How could it not?

Should I mention it to her? That he is showing up in our town restaurants? Or do I let it go?

I think I would want to know but I am unsure of what the right thing is to do.

I kind of think he wants me to tell her which is one reason why I have not...almost like he wants to hurt her with it.

What do you all think? TIA!!

Nature_Girl posted 8/29/2013 14:18 PM

Do you think knowing this would help her in her resolve to divorce? Would it help her to see his manipulation & hypocrisy? Would it help her regarding custody?

Personally, I would want to know. Were I you, I would tell. Not anonymously, either, but in person & with love & counsel that this isn't about her being flawed, it's about him being flawed.

lieshurt posted 8/29/2013 14:19 PM

I'd document the siting, print a copy of the pic, etc....and give it to your friend. This might come in handy for her at a later time.

brokensmile322 posted 8/29/2013 14:43 PM

I don't think it would help her resolve her divorce. I just think that she feels bad about herself.

He could have taken this woman to any number of places 10-15 minutes away. Literally he chose the place we both could jog to...it's that close.

I would want to know what I was up against in this situation which is one reason I would want to tell. Also, I think maybe she could start healing, maybe see him for what he is, maybe even give herself permission to being open to another relationship. KWIM?

Thanks for your replies. And I do like the suggestion of it being in person with love.

SBB posted 8/29/2013 16:33 PM

She needs to go complete NC with him. He no longer gets to remark on her or her life.

This part is hard because they HAVE been our touchstone for so long - we too feel the right to remark on them for the same reason. What helped me was thinking about being told or saying these things to a complete stranger. It would be inappropriate then as it is between the sad clown and I.

I would ask her if she wanted to know anything about him. I would encourage her to stay strict NC = No New Hurts. I would only tell her if she said she wanted to know and if I thought it would help her move through this.

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