This will be our reality in the near future...my girls are growing up fast!
I look at this as an opportunity rather then something to hide and NOT use.
My wife and I have talked about her affair....how she had unprotected sex multiple times...and took a man at his word that he had been "fixed", my wife NOT on birth control, and no..absolutely NO discussion of past sexual history or STD's present....they simply had reckless unprotected sex. We both feel that when our girls are old enough we will discuss this with them.
When the talks occur my wife can absolutely relate to urges and feelings that lead to poor decisions...and hopefully we will share it in a way that makes our girls comfortable to come to us, or at least listen more intently when we speak about sex. Kind of like parents who used drugs or alcohol can use real life experiences to say "Hey, I have been their done that....here is what I felt afterwards and the scares it created in me".
To be sure....this really sucks and it COULD be hipocritical if your husband would say "I would never have unprotected sex" or "I always had sex with someone I loved and had deep feelings for" to your daughter.
But I dont think he is saying that....he may have during your dating days or during your marriage....but he isnt professing this same ridgid standard to your daughter right now.
Gently....this sucks, it really does. But the facts are what they are. Is it possible for you to visit with your husband on this topic...voice your feelings well before you have conversations with your daughter about sex?
I have a few years before we will have this talk...so I havent thought it all out yet...but I really think this could benefit a family....especially if you and I and other BS's can actually R our marriage following this extreme trauma caused by our fWS hormones and lack of logic during critical decision making times.
In many ways our fWS's WERE teenage like in their actions...sneaking away to a remote woods trail to make out, slip into the back of a car, using a friends house....if you think about it they are doing what teenagers typically do. Shocking in my situation is that my wife NEVER did that as a teenager...
Speaking of teenage like reactions....I wanted to go beat up the AP! Hows that for maturity. But I never wanted to beat a guy up for kissing my GF in highschool...I simply moved on to another girl. Not wanting to do that now...
Maybe 40 is the new 17?!?!
Do we change that much from teenagers? Maybe we just better at hiding that part of us. Actually, in many ways, I feel like I have matured emotionally more in the past 11 months then I did over the previous 2 decades....and this is a good thing. sucks to have grown through this stimulation...but it is a positive step. We should be better prepared to support our teenagers as they move into adulthood...right?
God help us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 6:53 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]