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Boundaries.. I have to watch them too

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IGaveItMyAll posted 8/29/2013 18:54 PM

One thing I have learned through this is to watch the boudaries. Myself included. My first long term girl friend of 3 years just randomly reached out to me and added me on a social media site. I havent seen or talked to her in about 9 years. Strange... But I am going to talk to my Wife about it tonight. I am not going to accept the request. Parts of me are glad I get to talk to my wife about this. The good part because I want to be honest with her. The bad low self esteem part of me wants her to know I am still desirable to other people. That sounds bad huh?

[This message edited by IGaveItMyAll at 6:54 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]

authenticnow posted 8/29/2013 18:56 PM

No, that doesn't sound bad, it sounds human.

I think it's great that you are giving your wife what you expect in return. IMO, working together like this is what makes for a successful R.

wert posted 8/30/2013 09:55 AM

I think this is positive in two ways.

First, what AN said. Working together and improving communication. I think its easy for BS to take the righteous indignation thing way to far.

Second, you have suffered a trauma and a tragedy. What other benefit could possibly come from that other than learning. Pain, much more so than joy, is a teacher. Learn. You don't have to be thankful for the lesson, but learn it none the less.

Human. The rub is have have to watch those rascals like a hawk!

take care...

PrincessPeach06 posted 8/30/2013 11:42 AM

It's funny, a few years ago a guy who had a crush on me in high school sent me a Facebook message. It was innocent enough but I didn't respond and told WS.

I talk about it all the time now - not to rub it in his face but to try to show him the importance of boundaries.

IGaveItMyAll posted 8/30/2013 12:58 PM

I told my WW wife about it last night. Her response was... she trusted me and she said "Oh, you wanted to make sure I knew about it. Thanks for being honest with me. I don't see it as big deal."

BeyondBreaking posted 8/30/2013 13:20 PM

I do the same thing. I don't text or facebook with guys that WH wouldn't be comfortable with. Boundaries apply to both parties.

The little satisfaction of her knowing you are desirable still is just gravy. :)

heathenchristian posted 8/30/2013 18:18 PM

The bad low self esteem part of me wants her to know I am still desirable to other people. That sounds bad huh?

No because we all know there are others out there that will find us desireable.

I received a friend request from one of my WS friends (prick,not really a friend. he's the one that pushed my WS & OW together b/c he was having an A w/her and wanted to see if she would cheat on him(he's married too))
Anyway, I told my WS about it and it thought it was odd too. I declined it, but in a way want to know why after all these yrs he wants to friend me. We've never met once. From what my WS says this guy has alway been a player and has recently found out that this guy bad mouthed my WS @ work.
He's a POS.

Anyway you are doing the right thing by talking to her about it. I told my WS about an ex who friended me after not seeing him or hearing from him in 10+ yrs. We had always remained friends. He had moved far away when we were in H.S.
He's happily married and makes no inappropriate comments or pms me.

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