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Reconciliation :
Boundaries.. I have to watch them too

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 IGaveItMyAll (original poster member #38622) posted at 12:54 AM on Friday, August 30th, 2013

One thing I have learned through this is to watch the boudaries. Myself included. My first long term girl friend of 3 years just randomly reached out to me and added me on a social media site. I havent seen or talked to her in about 9 years. Strange... But I am going to talk to my Wife about it tonight. I am not going to accept the request. Parts of me are glad I get to talk to my wife about this. The good part because I want to be honest with her. The bad low self esteem part of me wants her to know I am still desirable to other people. That sounds bad huh?

[This message edited by IGaveItMyAll at 6:54 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]

ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

posts: 332   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2013
id 6468113
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authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 12:56 AM on Friday, August 30th, 2013

No, that doesn't sound bad, it sounds human.

I think it's great that you are giving your wife what you expect in return. IMO, working together like this is what makes for a successful R.

DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.

posts: 55165   ·   registered: Sep. 2nd, 2007
id 6468116
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wert ( member #34478) posted at 3:55 PM on Friday, August 30th, 2013

I think this is positive in two ways.

First, what AN said. Working together and improving communication. I think its easy for BS to take the righteous indignation thing way to far.

Second, you have suffered a trauma and a tragedy. What other benefit could possibly come from that other than learning. Pain, much more so than joy, is a teacher. Learn. You don't have to be thankful for the lesson, but learn it none the less.

Human. The rub is have have to watch those rascals like a hawk!

take care...

posts: 1520   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2012
id 6468788
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PrincessPeach06 ( member #39588) posted at 5:42 PM on Friday, August 30th, 2013

It's funny, a few years ago a guy who had a crush on me in high school sent me a Facebook message. It was innocent enough but I didn't respond and told WS.

I talk about it all the time now - not to rub it in his face but to try to show him the importance of boundaries.

Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

Filed for divorce 5/8/15

posts: 326   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2013
id 6468926
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 IGaveItMyAll (original poster member #38622) posted at 6:58 PM on Friday, August 30th, 2013

I told my WW wife about it last night. Her response was... she trusted me and she said "Oh, you wanted to make sure I knew about it. Thanks for being honest with me. I don't see it as big deal."

ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

posts: 332   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2013
id 6469032
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BeyondBreaking ( member #38020) posted at 7:20 PM on Friday, August 30th, 2013

I do the same thing. I don't text or facebook with guys that WH wouldn't be comfortable with. Boundaries apply to both parties.

The little satisfaction of her knowing you are desirable still is just gravy. :)

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."

posts: 879   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2013
id 6469060
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heathenchristian ( member #40060) posted at 12:18 AM on Saturday, August 31st, 2013

The bad low self esteem part of me wants her to know I am still desirable to other people. That sounds bad huh?

No because we all know there are others out there that will find us desireable.

I received a friend request from one of my WS friends (prick,not really a friend. he's the one that pushed my WS & OW together b/c he was having an A w/her and wanted to see if she would cheat on him(he's married too))

Anyway, I told my WS about it and it thought it was odd too. I declined it, but in a way want to know why after all these yrs he wants to friend me. We've never met once. From what my WS says this guy has alway been a player and has recently found out that this guy bad mouthed my WS @ work.

He's a POS.

Anyway you are doing the right thing by talking to her about it. I told my WS about an ex who friended me after not seeing him or hearing from him in 10+ yrs. We had always remained friends. He had moved far away when we were in H.S.

He's happily married and makes no inappropriate comments or pms me.

DDAY 3 - July 2019 - He's seeing his sister's boyfriends sister....LOL
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

posts: 312   ·   registered: Jul. 26th, 2013   ·   location: IL
id 6469389
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