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How do I not be insensitive ?

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Alwaysangry posted 8/29/2013 23:49 PM

My husband lost a grandparent. He is going back home across the country to be there for his dad. It was a definite I'm going and there was no offer extended to me. Fine ok. I get it. He needs to be there of course.

We were just there in the early summer for his sisters death. He made it very clear he only thought I went than to babysit him. He was very angry. When he tried going out to the bars I told him no. Our rule is only with me. So we both went with his guy friends and he ignored me the whole entire time. He has young and immature friends, none of who are married or have kids. I'm sick to my stomache with worry about what he is going to do while there. When his sister died he wanted to be with his friends a lot. He was not nearly as close to his grandparent. If I say anything he will say I'm a bitch and that I always try to make him feel bad. His famous line is I always make him out to be the bad guy. Even if its as simple as please pick up after yourself. He says I nag. I know for sure he will say I'm nagging.

Is it insensitive to remind him that he is there for the funeral and his family and our rules, no matter the circumstances, still apply.

Nature_Girl posted 8/30/2013 00:25 AM

Not insensitive, just futile. You cannot control another adult. Not even a spouse. You have never had control over your spouse. He's going to do what he's going to do regardless of you. That's part of being an adult. You have to decide if you can live with the level of mistrust & paranoia he creates in you.

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