Two months ago I learned that behind my WS' very sudden "it's not you, it's me" break up speech followed by a week of VERY suspect behavior, he was having an A with his co-worker. Oddly enough, I found out through the OW.
My STBH, the OW and I all work in the same incestuous industry, which means we know a LOT of people in common. Karma acted swiftly here because it turns out that the OW has a reputation for being ďthe OW.Ē She told people that she was just using my STBH because she thought he had money (he does not), and when trying to get him to buy her stuff didnít work out, she split. Apparently she had other married BFs that were more lucrative, and that is her agenda.
The OW laughed at him to her friends, saying he was weird, awkward, overbearing and old. This eventually got to me through mutual friends as it made the gossip rounds.
Apparently STBH didnít know she was doing this until I had the distinct pleasure of informing him of what was being said about him, and that he was currently the butt of the industryís gossip.
Iíve been reading the posts here for awhile now, and I think itís wonderful that many BS and WS are trying to work things out. Best of luck to you all.
My STBH did not try to ask for forgiveness or try to salvage our relationship. Iíll admit that the relationship with STBH was not in a good place before this happened, and I likely would have left the marriage. Either way, it hurts me that he still cannot own up to what happened and talk to me about it like an adult. Iíve asked him nicely to help me understand his thought process through everything and now, but he canít face it (but he hasnít denied it either). An acknowledgment and apology would really help me move on.
Iíve always suspected the A leading up to him leaving me. After finding out through the OW, I could finally tie my suspicions together with proof. The late nights, receipts I found, ATM withdrawals from odd places, and most importantly the super sketchy behavior all made sense. Technically my STBH left me for the OW, but that backfired on him in a bad way.
Iím currently seeing a therapist, reading related books, and trying to move on with my life. I am working with attorneys through the divorce and keeping myself busy. I still have a lot of ups and downs. The hardest part is doing it alone Ė Iíve read that in cases where the WS and BS try to work things out, the WS helps with the healing. Iíve tried to ask by STBH to help me heal as a friend (not to get back together) but he refuses or is unable to because he canít own up to what he did.
Itís unfortunate, but those are the cards dealt to me. All I can do is take one step at a time.
Thanks for reading my story.