"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Trusttrusttrust posted 8/30/2013 07:09 AM

It was one year ago that I discovered the A. I thought we were in R and I was feeling better. Then, I found out the A never really ended. Here I am again. We have been married for 31 years and I am once again in limbo. He is in IC to figure out why he would risk everything again. I am just living my life. He is sleeping in the guest room and that may never change. I met with a D attorney and that did make me feel better. I do not have to make any decisions at this moment. I wonder if he realizes what this weekend is? I don't know how I can get thru this once again?

Dallas2 posted 8/30/2013 07:25 AM

(((HUGS))

You are coming up on your 1st Antiversary. Each of deals with it differently. My WH didn't know the day or even month at first. He didcatch onto the fact something was wrong and kept asking. I finally told him. He said he couldn't believe I remembered. That set me off on another tangent.

Do something special for yourself. Talk to him and tell him why you are so on edge. Hopefully he can help you through this.

LosferWords posted 8/30/2013 13:18 PM

((Trusttrusttrust))

Trusttrusttrust posted 8/31/2013 08:25 AM

He knew what this weekend means. He is really sick with a cold, another reason why I like him in the guest room. I can't believe I am going thru this whole thing again. This time I am a lot calmer. It is a little scary when I think that maybe he has ended this 31 year marriage because of his bad decisions. I feel I have no choice in the situation.

ladies_first posted 8/31/2013 09:29 AM

I feel I have no choice in the situation.

You most definitely DO have a choice; regretfully, it's a choice between the lesser of two crappy choices.

Trusttrusttrust, you must take care of you, first and foremost, because WH's actions are no longer in your best interest.

Trusttrusttrust posted 8/31/2013 14:03 PM

I know I have a choice, it is just not one I wish to make. Because of his bad choices, he is forcing me to D. I go back and forth between wanting to stay and wanting to go. I feel so much in limbo. I just tried to do some shopping and before I burst into tears, I came home. This is such a bad feeling. I know that I do not deserve this.

1DumbHusband posted 8/31/2013 15:40 PM

Trust:

I'm sorry you find yourself in another DDay around your 1 year anniversary. For me, when my beautiful BS even talks D, my heart sinks and I often find myself overwhelmed with remorse and grief. Maybe if your WH sees the D is a very real possibility, it will help serve to wake him up. Just seeing my poor crushed BS's emotions and pain these last few months has hit me like it never has before in all the times we've had problems. It's been so bad that we've both lost about 40lbs due to depression and anxiety and just generally not eating. I love my BS and can't believe I hurt her like this. For me, this has been the biggest wake up call that I needed to make serious changes (and make them permanent!!!). It doesn't seem like your WS has had that kind of revelation or "come to Jesus" moment within himself. I can't say what it will take, I just offer up a perspective from a FWH to say that it takes an internal drive to want to change. I hope (if its what you want) that he has that moment soon.

PamJ posted 9/1/2013 10:30 AM

My DDay anniversary is the end of October, twice, actually.

He started up an EA online end of Oct 2011,that I really considered a LD PA, if that makes sense. They were having virtual sex, masturbating together while having a sexual fantasy IRT with her on her bed. They told each other they loved them. Sent naked pictures of their genitals as well as lots of smiling pictures to each other.

I saw the texts because he thought I didn't know and wouldn't see them on his phone. Well, i didn't know, but there was 2 months of text there that filled me in pretty good.
He broke it off when I caught him, we had a great year of false R because HE was still thinking of her and wanted to just "see how she was doing" so reconnected with he the following end of Oct, 2012.

So, we have been married 34 years and I feel like I am too old and deserve so much better than to be dealing with this crap and now we are almost to that time of year again.

He'd better not be so stupid as to not know how I will be feeling on Halloween this year.