Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce 12-19-16
This post has some "religious" tones - just explaining where I am - I hope it's ok.
I am getting my first not easily hid tattoo today!! I have two now but both are hidden by clothes. This on is going on my left inner forearm. Super excited!!
All my life I have struggled with the word surrender. I have kept my heart hidden. That changed when I met WH and changed even deeper when I got saved. I learned to surrender and learned to love it. During his affair - I stopped surrendering - to him and to God. My inner tiger became the dominant force - protecting my wounded heart.
Over the last year I have struggled so hard to surrender to anything. That changed recently. I finally realized surrender is good but only to those that can actually handle it when a tiger surrenders. That's a huge responsibility and a huge gift - to have a tiger surrender. As of right now, in my life, God is the only one that can handle that.
Long story sorry. My tat is of a tiger with the word surrender as it's shadow. It's like turning a corner for me. I finally realize just how valuable I am and NOBODY gets that inner me unless they can handle it. The tiger WILL protect my surrender. One day - I will surrender to love again but not to anyone who can't handle it - not even WH as he is right now. Maybe it will be WH again, maybe someone new or maybe it will stay just me. Whatever that outcome - no more giving the tamed tiger to assholes who can't handle it.
It's a good day to really begin to move foreward
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an