Welcome Okie - this is the best damn club no one ever wanted to join.
It sounds as though your H has no intention of stopping, or has even started to consider the pain he is causing you.
I understand your panic, however you do know that you cannot stop a person from doing anything they want to do.
You can however make life so uncomfortable for them that they stop to consider their choices.
There are few things I always recommend to new members, these things come from my own eperience and from the mistakes I made, and some of the things I did right.
While you feel totally broken and overwhelmed by it all right now it is hard to think straight. So I will give you a To Do list:
1. Make sure you are taking care of you. That you are eating, staying hydrated, and getting sleep, if you are unable to do these things contact your Dr many of us needed a little pharmaceutical support throught this. There is no shame in it. I found I was much less able to manage my feelings when I was sleep deprived.
2. Go see an Attorney. Find out what your rights are, so that you are not frozen with the fear of the what ifs. In this case I would go ahead and recommend filing as well. He thinks he can get the best of both worlds something we refer to as cakeeating. He won't stop until someone throws the cake out, or takes his plate away. YOU have the power to do this.
3. KNOW that NONE of this is your fault. This is all on him, no matter what he says. It has nothing to do with the kind of wife you are, how much sex he is getting what ever. This is about him getting validation, and admiration from someone, and how wonderful it makes him feel. (Because he has lost his mind he fails to see the ridiculousness of it).
4. Let her Husband know what is going on. Don't tell your H you are going to talk to him, just do it. She may be feeding you a whole line of crap about getting a D, he deserves to know whats up.
5. Up on the left side of your screen there is a tab called the healing library, please read read read. There is tons of great advice in there.
6. Put you first in all things. Think long and hard if you want to try to reconcile, and if you do what you require from him to be able to do this successfully. Be very clear on the boundaries, and consequences, and be prepared to follow through if he balks at this, or breaks them.
Keep coming and posting. Keep asking questions, and keep reading.
Know that you are safe here.
((((and strength))))