NWfleur.. apolgies for the t/j.
I did fairly well financially in the divorce
I know I am so lucky
Okay, I am the other side of the same coin! My stbxww had a two year LTA and has chosen not to try and R.
We have agreed upon an equitable settlement - both of us feel that the other is getting a better deal. We are splitting our assets 50/50. The home equity, the savings, and retirement accounts. And we will set aside an account to pay college tuition for our three children. I will be paying for all of our kids expenses. Activities, clothes, insurance, cell phone, gas, supplies, etc. except for their groceries when they stay with stbxww. And I will pay stbxww the maximum recommended child support in our state.
So why does stbxww feel that I am getting a better deal? Although she is a professional, my income is more than twice her income (she currently works part time). I will be staying in our marital home, refinancing in order to pay her half the equity. And btw, stbxww will be able to pay cash for a home in our area with her half of the D settlement.
You see, stbxww had set the "gold standard" for a D based on the recent D of a neighbor. I would move out of the marital home. I would continue to pay for the mortgage, insurance and utilities for the marital home so she could live there with our kids. I would pay spousal support and child support so she could continue to work part time. I would have visitation with the kids every second or third weekend losing the regular interaction with our kids because that is what happens to divorced dads.
So, it is my stbxww that is lucky that I have provided for her well being even though as a WS she took from me things that are far more valuable than the money.
So, when guilty feelings arise, put the financial support on one side of the scale and the emotional support (destruction) on the other side of the scale and I doubt it will ever balance.
I have spent an enormous amount of time on SI, in IC, and just dwelling on the pain casused by stbxww. The lies and deception. The loss of my past, the loss of what I thought the future would be.
So, please do not feel guilty because your xWH sends you a monthly check.
Be safe! Be happy! Be healthy! Live with ease!