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Ok somebody tell me not to....

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SeanFLA posted 8/30/2013 09:42 AM

...do a Google search on WW's AP because for some reason I've been anxious lately to find out what happened with him. Those who know my story I've had this burning desire to find out if he was court martialed, divorced, etc. I know divorce records are public filings and it wouldn't take me long to find it.

I know it's not a good thing to do especially after being divorced but for some reason I want to see if karma hit him square between the eyes. I think it stems from the fact that from what I know, no karma has hit exWW whatsoever. I know it's still pent up anger inside of me along with resentment I'm still working through. Just tell me it's not a good idea and to let it go....that nothing good would come of it.

nowiknow23 posted 8/30/2013 10:37 AM

Don't do it.

Ok, now that that's out of the way...

Imagine for a moment the possible findings if you DID do it.

What if there's nothing? What would that mean to you? How would it impact you?

What if he has gotten the full force of karma right between the eyes? What would that mean to you? What would it change for you?

(ps: Don't do it, honey. He had his footprints on your brain pan for far too long. Keep him out.)

Kajem posted 8/30/2013 11:42 AM

I have this friend who always asks me " what about your life will change by you having this information ? "

Most time the information I sould look up would change nothing in my life. Her next question would be, " Then why invite the toxic infection to touch your life?"

It makes me think about my motives and my goals. The opposite of love is indifference-I'm striving for that in all aspects of dealing with my XH/NW. That includes the karma bus. Indifference is a worthy goal.

Hugs,
K

nutmegkitty posted 8/30/2013 15:36 PM

I wouldn't do it, although I totally get your desire to.

SBB posted 8/30/2013 16:57 PM

Believe it in your heart that karma has hit him. Same goes for the XWW too.

Whether it is in ways you'll be able to see or not.

For me the sad clown lost me, OWUglyIndian and OWUmpteen were but two in a long line of OW. They are not special. They are as fucked up as he is. I pity them all.

I'm firmly in the DON'T DO IT camp. NC = no new hurts. You're making him very very important to you by cyber stalking him.

Rather than spend time on this I would examine why you are still feeling anything anywhere near this strong for either of them.

By that I mean I understand the curiosity, I really do. But a burning desire for karma? You have to watch that lest you get sucked into wasting years on this quest. You may never see it - doesn't mean it hasn't happened.

He is not worth it. She is not worth it. You are worth more.

Repeat until it sticks.

Brandon808 posted 8/30/2013 17:56 PM

The problem is that you have a fixed idea of what you want the outcome to be. That says to me that if it's something else then it will only cause disappointment and frustration.

The other problem is that the idea of what you want to see, i.e. some form of karmic justice, is just what you think you'd like to see. If you do see it then it could be just as disappointing because it may not be enough (rarely is) or too much (yes, that can happen).

Unless you are absolutely certain you have no emotional investment in what the result of checking on the AP might be then don't do it. He was a destructive and unwanted part of your life (via your xWW) so there really isn't any reason to voluntarily pollute your life with any further knowledge of him now. JMHO

Crescita posted 8/30/2013 17:58 PM

Believe it in your heart that karma has hit him. Same goes for the XWW too.
Whether it is in ways you'll be able to see or not.

This is spot on.

Often our idea of karma or good fortune is skewed by tangible, visible things, but those things really say so little. He is the only one that knows his true karma. He lost his integrity and he has to live with that. He has to wake up every day and face his image in the mirror. This isn't something you can see, but be sure it isn't something you would wish for yourself.

Ashland13 posted 8/31/2013 12:38 PM

When I was doing that, it just hurt more, like when I came across their names entwined online, it would set me back for several days of disfunction and a host of other feelings.

But, I completely understand the wish to know. Soon after DDay, I was interested to know about Fatty B, but have no care to anymore. I don't want "it" to have importance in my life, do you KWIM? I feel like if I spent time like that, it would give her some kind of importance or relevance to me...she's stolen enough and maybe so has WW's AP.

Can you do something else when the thoughts pop in your head?

And bravo for thinking it might not be a great idea.

SeanFLA posted 9/3/2013 10:12 AM

Yeah I know it will just hurt more and prolong healing, etc. I guess sometimes you just slip backwards a bit and get resentful towards her (and him) at everything that has happened. I picked my son up the other day at xWW's (my former marital home) and he was out in the driveway finishing up a basketball game with the neighborhood boys. For some reason that really hurt and made me angry at her. Why? Because it's what I did when I was his age. There was supposed to be something comforting about being in the house while he was outside playing ball with his friends. And I was suppose to be a part of that as a family. Maybe even out there myself playing with the boys and jumping in the pool with them afterwards. Kind of hard to explain, but it's how my childhood was. He can't have a basketball net in the driveway where I live now (HOA restrictions) and I guess I'm just feeling robbed from that part of his growing up. That and it was his birthday over the weekend and we did the customary "split" of the day. I still never expected my life to turn out this way.

BTW yes he and I do tons of things together, fishing, etc. But just having to go over there and seeing that was hard on me this week. Like I've let him down for something I had no control over. I really hate going over there.

ruinedandbroken posted 9/3/2013 19:41 PM

For some reason that really hurt and made me angry at her. Why? Because it's what I did when I was his age. There was supposed to be something comforting about being in the house while he was outside playing ball with his friends. And I was suppose to be a part of that as a family. Maybe even out there myself playing with the boys and jumping in the pool with them afterwards. Kind of hard to explain, but it's how my childhood was. He can't have a basketball net in the driveway where I live now (HOA restrictions) and I guess I'm just feeling robbed from that part of his growing up. That and it was his birthday over the weekend and we did the customary "split" of the day. I still never expected my life to turn out this way

I so get this Sean. Even though I have primary custody, I get angry about all the stuff I have to miss because of him. I won't see my kids at all over Thanksgiving break and for most of Christmas break. And it really makes me angry.

SeanFLA posted 9/4/2013 08:00 AM

Yeah the feeling is starting to pass this week, so I think it was just part of the everlasting rollercoaster.

The rollercoaster that keeps on giving.

I know I won't have my son for Thanksgiving dinner this year. So I'm not trying to worry about it. Instead I went ahead and booked a trip to the Caribbean all Thanksgiving week. I'm coming to realize I have to live my own life and do some of the things I've always wanted to do. But because she really wasn't "into" some of the things I really wanted to do I held back at times. I think you need to consider doing something too rather than sitting around your house all week feeling depressed. Make some plans for something you can really look forward to.

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