Hi emotionalgirl!
Wow, I haven't followed your situation lately but you are in soo much better position now than when you got here. You went from begging him to come back and taking his excuses to now moved into the spare room and working on the 180 + bitch boots. Good job!
Forgive the 2x4's from us BS's as you have come a very, very long way! Just us BS's learned over time that the more firm you are and the faster you can go total 180, the better. A WS will quickly wiggle a 1/4 inch into a mile giant chasm, so it's important to seal-up any loose seams in your 180!
Some things to think about-
* There is no reason why you do not OWN his phone the moment he walks in the door. Also, see if you can log into his plan to recover or log all texts since he is likely just deleting ones he gets during the day. TOTAL TRANSPARENCY = TOTAL TRANSPARENCY. Accept nothing less! THEN set a boundary if he continues to break NC, such as him moving out or tougher consequences to protect you.
* There shouldn't be any more "work BBQ's" or family outings for his rotten ass while he's still carrying on with his whore.
* Don't believe his innocent banter. He's getting something from this whore just as much as she is. She's pumping his ego and libido. I'd can guarantee there has been light PA, sorry to say.
* 180 also means stop giving a shit entirely for your WS. (My SGAS in my sig was my "Stop Giving a Shit" day). i.e. next time he breaks NC, tell him to go to his whore- she can have him! He's no longer welcome in the marital home!
Also, you might want to pick yourself up a copy "Not Just Friends" since this can help you try to understand his dynamic in this situation. It is like fairy tale/unicorns farting rainbows in these EA's. Hence why the 180 is most effective since sometimes the WS moves in with the AP and the first time they stink up the toilet or leave the seat up, the fantasy starts to shatter. A few farts, belches or sleeve-mouth wipes and before you know it, EA is over.
The other thing is- please focus on YOU! The best part of the 180 is what you are doing for YOU! I'd love to start hearing about new gym membership, or buying some new things for yourself, or reconnecting with "the girls" and going out for lunch/cocktails, etc. etc. Anything that brings you joy and illustrates you are rebuilding your life.. WITHOUT... HIM... IN.. IT. This is what also shocks a WS back into the game.
Take care and good luck!
[This message edited by MediumRare at 1:03 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]
BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012