Personally, I wouldn't accept a proposal less than 1 year after D-Day. Sure, you can marry someone who has cheated on you. But I wouldn't do it if you're off kilter about it.
I know there are others on this site who were betrayed by BF/GF or fiances. Many struggle the same way that you are. I hope some of them come along.
maybe look at it like this....if this were you and him in the beginning and you had these fears, and hurt from the pain he caused you...would you have married him after cheating? probably not.
maybe consider waiting until you are futher down the road in healing before accepting a proposal.
i mean...dont you want to be happy in your heart, secure...and know that you want to spend the rest of your life with him...before accepting a ring?
i know i would.
Also gives you more time to assess whether he is showing cheating tendencies again. He is on trial currently and has yet to prove that he can stay faithful over the long haul.
Nothing wrong with accepting the proposal and ring, but putting off the marriage date for as much as a few years; to a date that you feel that this infidelity will truly be in the background.
I am of this mind too. While we never planned marriage just because we are older & thought not necessary until we retire. He has begun to bring it up. We are almost at our 2 yr antiversary & I am still not there. We are better, great in ways but that is one thing I can't pull the trigger on - yet.
I also said I would take a ring but the actual act of marriage we would need to work on some more.
It should not be an all or nothing thing. Maybe explain where you are, somethings you just don't "get over"
Wow girl....that's not an easy spot to find yourself in. I totally understand your fear. Having been with my husband 32 years now I wouldn't know how I would react about him having an A and then proposing.....kind of defeats the reason for getting married.
Only you will know If and when this will be right for you. I am also 1 year out from what Undecided calls antiversary.(BTW Undecided I LOVE THAT term!!!!!!) if it were me in your shoes i would be wondering if he really loved me or if he is panicking that he screwed up the best thing he ever had and doesn't want to loose it.
If I didn't have most of my life invested in my marriage I would have walked away. I would not want to start marriage with someone I couldn't 100% trust....but that is just me.
As for the little panic attacks....I don't think they will ever fully go away. I had one just today as I watched the NJ countryside go streaming by my bus window. All I could think about was WHY?????
Listen to your heart. It isn't going to lead you astray, not after what you have been through.
[This message edited by TxsT at 4:11 PM, August 31st (Saturday)]
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!