Fear of abandonment (FOA) issues plagued me before M my H 23 years ago. Come to realize they had never left...I just had a loving H, and his L and commitment were a band-aid for the FOA.
His A, and subsequent request for a D ripped the band-aid off, and now I am back to where I was before I met him.
He's a great guy in many ways: loving, affectionate, handsome, fit, kind, and pleasant, with a touch of conflict avoider and people pleaser.
I'm a vacillating, controlling victim. It is easier to live with him than it is to live with me.
Now my messed up mind says that I am not loveable and he is with me to prove to himself and the world that he can keep his promises, not because he L me.
I actually believed he L me when we got M, and for 19 years until the A. Now I can't believe him, even though he says he L me. His words on Dday#1 keep ringing in my ears, "I haven't L you in 5 years." He says that was foggy talk, but my own issues (FOA) won't let me believe that he actually does L me, and that the A was just a serious "blip" in his life that overflowed into my life.
Anyone else have FOA keeping them from believing WS after so many years?