If you and your spouse choose to R, the following resources will help you have a better, stronger marriage:
Fear of abandonment (FOA) issues plagued me before M my H 23 years ago. Come to realize they had never left...I just had a loving H, and his L and commitment were a band-aid for the FOA.
His A, and subsequent request for a D ripped the band-aid off, and now I am back to where I was before I met him.
He's a great guy in many ways: loving, affectionate, handsome, fit, kind, and pleasant, with a touch of conflict avoider and people pleaser.
I'm a vacillating, controlling victim. It is easier to live with him than it is to live with me.
Now my messed up mind says that I am not loveable and he is with me to prove to himself and the world that he can keep his promises, not because he L me.
I actually believed he L me when we got M, and for 19 years until the A. Now I can't believe him, even though he says he L me. His words on Dday#1 keep ringing in my ears, "I haven't L you in 5 years." He says that was foggy talk, but my own issues (FOA) won't let me believe that he actually does L me, and that the A was just a serious "blip" in his life that overflowed into my life.
Anyone else have FOA keeping them from believing WS after so many years?
His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley
Love Busters by Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband by Reb Bradley