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brokenhearted76 posted 8/30/2013 18:22 PM

Hit rock bottom today. Told wh to leave. He wasn't showing remorse at all. Was generally being an ass. Nothing I ever did was good enough. So I exploded. First just anger. I yelled I screamed. Wouldn't let him talk. I told him all 4 of his physical affairs had killed me inside. That the to many to count emotional affairs had broke me. Told him I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up because seeing him and feeling the pain of what he did was to much to live with. I raged for hours. Never physical just verbal. Hours later I passed anger and hit black depression. I started crying and couldn't stop. An anxiety attack hit me and I fell to the floor. Wh tried to help me and I wouldn't let him. When I could move I crawled to a chair and curled up in it. That's when he started crying and apologizing. And not just a few tears. He was whailing and sobbing. I am now sitting here still hurting and shakey and he is cooking dinner. He keeps coming to check on me and bring me drinks. Is it awful that I am so sick right now but I'm enjoying him crying and the attention from him.

Tripletrouble posted 8/30/2013 18:55 PM

(((bh76)))
I'm so sorry for your pain. I've had the same kind of thing the last couple days. Sending you wishes for peace.

unfound posted 8/30/2013 18:59 PM

I"m so sorry brokenhearted76 .

It sucks that it took such a reaction from you to get an emotional and supportive response from him.
Hopefully this will be the start of him understanding.

[This message edited by unfound at 7:00 PM, August 30th (Friday)]

ladies_first posted 8/31/2013 08:05 AM

brokenhearted76, I hope you are feeling better today!

((brokenhearted76))

Is it awful that I am so sick right now but I'm enjoying him crying and the attention from him.

I get the pain, but the goal of R is comfort one another without resorting to raging hysterics. The foundation of healing (and R) is communication ... NOT empty threats.

Re-read Aesop's Fables, "The Boy Who Cried Wolf."

dontknowwhyme posted 8/31/2013 08:40 AM

Please do not allow him to use that as a way to shutdown or distract what you are feeling. Who cares if he cried? You certainly have. Don't fall for it unless there is far more that follows behind it.

To me it's like a child doing a certain behavior just because they know they will get the response they need at that moment. Once they get what they want it's back to the same old same old.

incredulous posted 8/31/2013 09:03 AM

(((((brokenhearted)))))

I think many of us on here have had those kind of days where the pain just gets to be too much. I was so upset by my lack of control over my own life. Hence, my username. I couldn't believe this really was happening to me. I sobbed uncontrollably many days, but WH wasn't around to hear or see it.

I don't think that it's bad or that you're a drama queen because you're enjoying the attention from WH and seeing WH cry. I think you are probably seeing his attention and tears as signs of remorse, and are holding out hope that he will change. I think that's perfectly normal.
I hope that's what it means, for your sake.

I hope you're feeling better today.

heforgotme posted 8/31/2013 09:20 AM

Is it awful that I am so sick right now but I'm enjoying him crying and the attention from him.

No. Because it's actually progress. He wasn't showing emotion or giving you attention before and now he is. I don't think it's bad that you're enjoying it, I think it's good that you can appreciate it even through your own pain.

I hope this is the beginning of some true healing.

brokenhearted76 posted 8/31/2013 18:53 PM

I wasn't trying to be a drama queen. I am usually very quiet and quite a push over. That's why my behavior yesterday was so shocking and out of character. No one expected it. I think that's what shocked my wh. He saw how far he had pushed me. He saw the pain he caused had caused me to not be myself. I am optimistic and yet not holding my breath. But all night and all day wh has been very attentive and apologetic. He has been the man I married..I just hope it lasts. He has deleted all the websites..right in front of me. Asked me to change his Facebook password and right now he doesn't want it. I am hoping. But I'm not giving in. Time will tell.

broken0912 posted 9/1/2013 03:52 AM

broken, I have had those days and had many many of those hours, including tonight. I have been saving my total sobbing hysterical breakdowns, mostly when he is not around. I go out of his site and try to get out of earshot to fall to the ground and just wail. I realized recently, I was doing this to protect him from seeing all of the pain, because i thought it would overwhelm him too much and scare him off, but have decided that I don't care anymore about protecting him or saving his feelings or making him feel loved. I have done that for years and he chose to totally disregard my feelings, infact giving absolutely no thought to me or our marriage when he had his A. Said he did feel bad at times and would stop (I don't know if he stopped for days, weeks or months), but obviously didn't feel bad enough to keep it from continuing for a total of about 7 yrs including a 3.5-4 yr PA.

I too feel so much better when he breaks down and cries, which has happened maybe half a dozen times in the last year. It shows me he really is truly remorseful and loves me like I always thought he did during those years of betrayal when I was clueless.

Kalliopeia posted 9/1/2013 19:31 PM

good he is crying. and so what. boo hoo to him.

everything is a process, this is yours.

I do not agree with the judgement that you are a drama queen.

people have limits and your husband having several outright affairs, more emotional affairs, and a BS who finally cracks and breaks open is NOT being a drama queeen.

As for "enjoying" his attention and remorse, well you should have had it all along. So why are we hearing the boy who cried wolf?