I just wanted to share this letter I found during all my reading - I tweaked it a little bit to fit my situation. I did not send it, but it gives me comfort and maybe someday I will. I just filed for divorce after 32 years putting up with an NPD H. .....Dear Cheating Husband,
If you think you are not hurting your wife and family, you are dead wrong. If you think she can’t feel your emotional/romantic affair, infidelity, betrayal and the presence of another woman infecting your relationship you are absolutely deluding yourself. If you think she doesn’t know, you are foolish.
Your behavior is not without consequences. You are causing deep emotional hurt to your wife, and by extension you kids. There is no such thing as a free lunch. The only person being fooled here is you and your belief that being “naughty”, “just a guy”, “just joking” or “just friends” is fun and harmless. What is in play here is not your secret calls, texts, deep connection, romantic feelings with a partner outside your marriage, but a deliberate act of betrayal and emotional abuse of your wife.
Your wife sits at home feeling a deep sense of loneliness and that something is wrong. When she goes to you, the man she loves and has devoted her life to, and asks you for the truth – you lie. You make her feel like there is something wrong with her. You make her doubt her own intuition. So…this woman that you love…that loves you… you do irreparable harm to every time you deny, cheat and lie. Cheating is NOT just sleeping with another person. You think you are better than a man who beats his wife? You are not. You too are a wife abuser, only the scars that you leave are deep and hidden, where nobody sees them and your wife must suffer alone.
Instead of perusing the internet or getting involved in a deep emotional/romantic relationship for someone to stroke your fragile ego, perhaps you should invest your energy into resolving whatever deep seated issue compels you to betray your wife and family. The only woman who will want to have an affair with you is one who is as deeply flawed and selfish as you are. Maybe that is what you seek? A selfish woman who “gets” you and adores the act of betrayal? What is missing in you is that you have to do this? Fix that!! Pornography, dating websites and inappropriate relationships are a hopeless illusion.
YOU WILL GET CAUGHT!!!!!!!! And when you do, it will not only be the last act in a long production of self-destruction… it will destroy the lives of your wife and other loved ones who depend on you. When you get caught you will act like a scared or injured child… you will lick your wounds… you will seek pity… you will be “sorry”. Or, will you flat deny it all. In the back of your mind you will remember this letter… You will bemoan the fact that instead of choosing to do the right thing you chose to be a foolish and selfish man who put his neurotic need for “excitement” and approval over the well- being of his family, the mother of his children and the woman he supposedly loves. You will know that you are a coward and a fool.
Your Betrayed Wife