Second, listen to your gut. It seems to be telling you *something* isn't quite right. His phone may have nothing incriminating but he very well could have deleted texts as he read them. (Did that myself). And who's to say OW isn't with him when you call? My point is, if a WS wants to cake-eat, they'll find a way to keep the bakery open.
As for trust, that will come back (slowly) when he's proven, with *consistent actions*, that he can be trusted but that trust will never be 100%. It can't be, not after what he's done.
All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.
I'm in a way happy this has happened. I've opened my eyes to what people CAN do no matter how innocent it comes across. No more friends of the opposite sex. No more lies. No more assuming.
We can build on this. Yes, it's heartbreaking. It has shattered my world. But - I see it as a stepping stool to a great, solid marriage.
My grandmother was married for 44 years. It did not shatter her world. She was the strongest woman I knew. Her marriage suffered huge obstacles which she overcame. It's empowering. I do believe that any marriage that succeeds and runs a long course will in fact suffer infidelities.
As far as the HIV testing, please get checked again. This is worrisome.
Make sure you are taking care of your health.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, pack your shit and get out.
Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.
Ditto for me, word for word.
It will never be the same, has never been the same, since his first EA 16 years ago. I thought we were past that, but in late 2011 he had another, broke it off when I caught him early 2012. No contact for 6-8 months (his timeline changes) then reconnected with her again.
So no, never the same level of trust no matter how many times he tries to reassure me, promise me it will never happen again and does all the right things day after day.
I have told him it all changed, it was never the same after the first time 16 years ago when I naively thought he would NEVER betray me.
Never the same.
[This message edited by PamJ at 10:10 AM, September 1st (Sunday)]
2 grown sons, 1 grown step-son
Last DDay, March 19, 2013 after a few weeks of TT- trying to have a new marriage after almost 35 years.
No more chances.