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Newest Member: Dontunderstand03 (50590)

User Topic: Anyone who has done NC
♀ 37540
Member # 37540
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I post on another board that follows the advice of a marriage counceler, part of that advice is to go strist NC if the affair does not stop.
Well I did that after kicking him out August 13. NC is extremely hard, practically impossable for us. The only person I have to act as our go between is my sister who works in the ER and still attends school. Some messages aren't getting to her and she is not always able to get back to us in a reasonable amount of time.

Also we have 8 kids, 1 speacial needs and 1 with a broken leg (almost healed)He sees them here there is no place else for him to see them. I'm supposed to go out the back door as he comes in the front, that worked the first day.
Sometimes the older kids aren't home and I have to wait on him to come in. The younger ones are 6, 4 (the special needs child) 3, and 9 months.
He comes 2x a week before I take the 4 & 3 yo to preschool, they want to kiss their dad goodbye of course.
This is really hard, I listen to suggestions given to me on the other board, but I don't see how to apply them to my situation.
I kicked my WH out in Jan. and he came home in March, we did not do NC that time, even though I was advised by that board to do so, the affair resumed sometime in May and I found out June 25. They are coworkers and I knew I should have made him quit that job, but he assured me it would be fine.
Does anyone have any ideas, suggestions, anything?

DD: Oct. 23, 2012
Together 19 years married 13, 8 kids from 17 to 5 months.
Trying to Reconcile as of 3/13

Posts: 20 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Ohio
♀ 40359
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC with WH is different than NC between WH and OW. NC between you and WH is actually just contact on your terms. This means, if you need to talk to him about kids or finances, you can do that. Be detached emotionally an just discuss kids.

XWH left 6/2013
DDay 8/19/2013
Divorce final 7/14/2014
False reconciliation 6/15-8/15
DDay 2 8/29/15

Posts: 178 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 37540
Member # 37540
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, on the other board they said absolutely no contact between him and I at all. We aren't supposed to talk or see each other and we're supossed to have someone who can relay messages about the kids and finances instead of speaking directly to each other.

DD: Oct. 23, 2012
Together 19 years married 13, 8 kids from 17 to 5 months.
Trying to Reconcile as of 3/13

Posts: 20 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Ohio
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is hard for "us", too.

If it helps any, I save up a list and when he comes to collect DD for their visits, I put questions about kids, house or money in a list and put it in the same spot every time. I even put it where I don't have to see him get it and then he has privacy reading it and we each get some prep time before replying. Then I wait a period of time and make a list of things to ask L if he ignores money issues.

Could you do anything like that on a piece of paper and keep a copy for yourself? It's been a good solution here.

And, it's really helped given me some pride back, though every so often some feelings of withdrawal still come because of the amount of contact we used to have-it was pretty constant and the poof!-he was gone.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Henry Ford invented cars to pick uo girls. Damon Wayne

Posts: 2671 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 4

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