I give up control. I can't make him feel how I felt about our marriage before the A, I can't make him understand the intense pain of the A, I can't make him understand the utter devastation and complete saddness. I can't make him respond the way I want him to, I can't make him act and feel the way I want him to. I can't make him prioritize this marriage. I can't make him love me the way I want him to. I give up control.
The pain in my chest is back with a vengeance, I have to assume that is the anxiety of letting go.
Let the chips fall where they may.
[This message edited by OldCow18 at 10:50 AM, August 31st (Saturday)]
When the chest pain comes for me, I try to push breath oout through my lower belly and eventually it helps -it sounds anxiety related and maybe could you be taking really short breaths but not realizing it sometimes?
There's an exercise in meditation where they say to push our belly out and count to four and then breath in and count to four and so on. Different places have different numbers they go to, but it helps after a few times trying.
Letting go and a harder NC here have brought interesting results...it's largely him contacting me about this and that and a semi-kindness has come over him, or less rudeness. So I'm going to keep going.
I wish you well.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.