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need quick visitation question help!

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LadyQ posted 8/31/2013 16:18 PM

My 16 year old is really struggling, and doesn't want to see her dad.

Do I make her go? If she doesn't go, do I tell him, or is it better if she does. She has a counseling appointment next Saturday, but she's supposed to go to her dad's tonight. So, I need so e advice, QUICK!

Dreamboat posted 8/31/2013 16:25 PM

She is 16 and nearly an adult. IMO, she can make the decision not to see him as an adult, but then she has to act like an adult and tell him herself. If she does not want to do that then she does not have the maturity to make the decision not to see him.

Again this is just my opinion.

Nature_Girl posted 8/31/2013 16:49 PM

Agreed. She should be able to tell him herself, although I can understand that would be incredibly difficult for her. Maybe you could provide moral fortitude.

scooter72 posted 8/31/2013 17:35 PM

Just a quick note as I'm new here. The issue with letting 16yo make the decision is if ex is a good dad and there are no reasons to not go, he can ask a judge for visitation. If she is old enough to make that decision, in some states that also means there can be a child support modification and he wouldn't be asked to pay as much as he may be paying now.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/31/2013 20:10 PM

Can she just go have dinner with her Dad? My 16 year old son doesn't really want to hang out with his Dad that much, so he goes to eat dinner with him 1 night a week.

debbysbaby posted 8/31/2013 21:22 PM

If she is old enough to make that decision, in some states that also means there can be a child support modification and he wouldn't be asked to pay as much as he may be paying now.

This is highly unlikely. If anything, In states where parenting time figures into the child support calculation, less visitation would mean more child support.

I think Dreamboats approach was perfect.

LadyQ posted 8/31/2013 21:27 PM

Thanks for your help, all.

Her going to see him or not won't affect child support, there are noncustodial parents who never see their kids, but still have to pay child support.

She texted him to tell him she was not going.

Ashland13 posted 9/1/2013 20:23 PM

Our DD is younger but struggles with similar sentiments since her dad abandoned us. She has trust issues now that he has made happen and PTSD from being abandoned. FWIW to share, I find the more I try to exert myself to her, the more she rebels and resents me already and it's not to do with him because she has to go due to her age. I have a friend who had this happen as you are, LadyQ, and she stepped back from the child and allowed him his own decision, thought it was very hard for her to watch and not take part in. He chose to go with the WH but was very let down by him and when the going got tough, marched straight back to the mom, who was always there for meeting any of his needs. He remembered that of her even though she was/is the more strict parent and that was her hope...and he got to make his own choice and felt grown up and trusted by her to do it, though it was hard for her to let go and worry about what might happen to him.

Griefstricken25 posted 9/1/2013 20:29 PM

I'm late to the thread, but at 16, I would let my child decide. I'd encourage him or her to tell the other parent, but I would do the telling if he/she did not want to, with the understanding that I will not always do so, and the child has to take ownership of her own relationship with her dad.

UMBL posted 9/2/2013 15:02 PM

my 13 year old also does not want to go alot of times...however, be careful. I have been researching this, and from what I can tell, you can still be held in contempt until they are 18 if they don't go - even if it's their choice.

I'm going to speak to my attorney about it this week to get clarification.

sparkysable posted 9/2/2013 17:23 PM

I would say no, do not force her to go.

LadyQ posted 9/2/2013 21:30 PM

In the end, she didn't go. She has a therapy appt. next Saturday, and I told her that at some point she is going to have to talk with her dad about she feels.

In Texas, at 14 a child can decide if they want to do visitation or not. I think that's young, so I didn't tell my kids that. But my middle kiddo is sharp and figured it out. I have been encouraging her not to shut her dad out entirely, he is after all her dad. I hope that after a few sessions with the counselor she will feel comfortable enough to have her dad there so they can talk. He may be an ass, but he's the only father she has.

Thanks for all your advice!

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