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Newest Member: ChaosRider (45729)

User Topic: 3 years ago today
scangel3
♀ 36164
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

3 years ago was the final dday/3 days from hell that ended the month from hell, that ended the 6 months from hell and finally ended their 9 month A. And I'm triggering bad!!!

3 years ago I found out (again) that the A was still going and never ended. If ow wasn't as good at the underground crap it probably would have never ended. I kicked him out right before we were leaving for our godson's birthday. Me and my kids went alone. It was the saddest birthday party I've ever gone to...or I thought. The following day was my nieces birthday at Chuck e Cheese. It was horrible!!! I was miserable, felt lower then I ever did when I was going through my ppd, I wanted to physically hurt myself (and I almost did). And what was he doing??? He ran straight to ow, they planned to leave their BS's and be together. He stayed at a hotel and of course she showed up there. I learned about this meeting through their secret twitter account. He told me he was leaving and I made the biggest mistake of my life...I begged him to change his mind, I was not losing to her!!! I regret that every day now. I feel so much less of a wife for having to beg my husband, that doesn't/didn't love me, to stay with me.

Now 3 years later I am sitting at my godsons birthday party feeling no support from him on this very rough day. I feel further away from him today then I have in a long time!!! And tomorrow is my nieces party...at the zoo which is a trigger all on it's own.

I thought he finely "got it" a couple months ago, but he doesn't obviously!!!

[This message edited by scangel3 at 6:07 PM, August 31st (Saturday)]


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
tryingtwo
♀ 19717
Member # 19717
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have not been on SI for a very, very long time. Yet tonight I came and tonight I saw your plea.

I call it a plea because it is, not to me, or maybe it is, but to him...See me, hear me, understand me.

I reconciled. Some days that was a great decision, but I will not lie to you, some days I think I was a fool. In my life, he loves me. Truly and completely, loves me, even if it is a damn fool and so am I.

Can you say that? Does he get all of the asset and you get all the debit in the relationship? I reconciled, but I was willing to leave and only until he knew I WAS going to leave did he step up to the damn plate and be the man he could be and should have been all along.

Three years, it took 5 years for me in all ways. But only because he stepped up to the plate. I think you have to be fully willing to say goodbye before a WS truly understands that what they did hurt as deep as it did.

I can't solve your life for you, but I can tell you that I have been there and I am sending you as much love and support via cyperspace as I can. Be a strong supporter for yourself.
tt


Innocent people generally want to get to the bottom of things. Guilty people usually want the discussion to be over as soon as possible.

Posts: 10315 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Oregon
scangel3
♀ 36164
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you tt, I was ready to leave. But financially couldn't until October. He knew I would leave and he seemed to change. That lasted for about 3-4 months, then August came around and everything blew up. He went back to how it was before he "changed", I was sure R was going to work, and what I wanted but I'm not so sure any more. I started putting my walls up from triggering so much this month, just natural protecting my heart, and he decided to back off from trying to help me, and trying to make me feel wanted. I can see this month being one of the hardest months of the year for a very long time and if he does this every year I know where we'll be in 5 years, alone only seeing our kids 50/50, and that's not what I want!!!


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, September 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((scangel3)))


"If the path you walk leads back to yourself, you'll never get anywhere." - Master Oogway

Posts: 18307 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 4

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