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womaninflux (original poster member #39667) posted at 12:34 AM on Sunday, September 1st, 2013
Anyone with some words of wisdom?
Now 6 months out from DD. R process moving S L O W. Just feeling depressed, lonely, held hostage in marriage. Sleeping in separate bedrooms. SAWH "forgets" this when we arrived at vacation home last night and gets in the bed in master bedroom. I asked him if he was "visiting." He asked if I wanted him to sleep there. I told him I would like nothing more to be a couple again but until then, I think it would confuse the kids. WTF? I am DONE being someone's roommate. I don't want to be sad and down around him because I know this just brings him down and makes him MORE avoidant than he already is naturally. But this is HARD. So HARD. As a lot of you know.
I am also really, really struggling with compatibility issues. How the F did I let myself get involved with this guy in the first place? And in the back of my mind, I am hearing my divorce lawyer saying, "If you want to get a divorce, get a divorce...no one is forcing you to stick this out for any given time period."
How much longer do I have to give this before I feel like R is really taking place? We are getting along ok on a day to day basis but things are NOT improving on the physical intimacy side of things. At all. Hence the separate bedrooms. And, BTW, the lack of sex is his deal, not mine. Although at this point, I don't even know what I would do if it was an option. I am tired of waiting around for this guy to get his SHIT together. And if I sound like I am unreasonable - that it has ONLY been 6 months from DD and that is not really long - it's been YEARS since we have been physically intimate. I am tired of being alone in this marriage in all contexts.
BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 3:01 AM on Sunday, September 1st, 2013
How much longer do I have to give this before I feel like R is really taking place?
It's NEVER going to feel like it's taking place unless he's doing the work. Slipping into your bed is a selfish move right now - it doesn't indicate that he has any remorse or respect for you.
I know it's hard with children and all your history, but you yourself just said you're tired of everything having to do with the marriage. Why are you staying? What do you think is going to magically change to make any of this feel right?
I'm so sorry you're feeling down - this really does suck and is so hard. It only gets easier when we figure out which way is up and start digging ourselves out.
(((womaninflux)))
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
ccw82 ( member #40133) posted at 5:08 AM on Sunday, September 1st, 2013
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. 
What exactly is your WH doing to help you with R? Is he giving you a reason to want to stay right now?
Me (BW): 39
WXH (1DumbHusband): 43
We were married for over 11 years; now divorced.
BIG D-Day: June 17th, 2013
Too many freaking TTs that cost us our marriage in the end.
"Love isn't a feeling, it's a choice."
TxsT ( member #39996) posted at 5:12 AM on Sunday, September 1st, 2013
Woman....it sounds to me that your heart is finally starting to make sense to you......listen to it. I agree with your lawyer, why I have no idea because I dislike lawyers, but he obviously sees the direction your heart is trying to take you......
T
Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
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