SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Saleschick posted 8/31/2013 23:06 PM

Anyone have any experience with any support groups? I was looking at going to a group at a local church on the Divorce Care website. I have also reached out to BAN. Thank you for your thoughts!

newlysingle posted 8/31/2013 23:37 PM

I go to a DivoreCare group. I really like it, however it is very Christian based. I don't know if that's an issue for you or not. I'm actually not Christian and was leery of attending, but our group is very tolerant and accepting of people from all walks of life. They made it very clear at my first meeting that you did not have to be Christian. They say a prayer at the end, but always tell people to feel free leave beforehand if they are not comfortable doing so.

There are a series of videos and a workbook that go with the program. They cover a variety of topics, anger, depression, finances, parenting, moving on, etc. We then meet in smaller groups with a facilitator and either discuss the video or just talk about what we are currently going through. There are many people in my group dealing with infidelity, so it's nice to not be alone.

ETA - I should say however, that someone on another thread said that they felt like their DIvorceCare group was not very tolerant of non-Christians. So the energy of the group may vary.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 11:39 PM, August 31st (Saturday)]

endlessabsurdity posted 8/31/2013 23:40 PM

I attend a local BAN support group. It's been fantastic. It's very helpful to emotional purge around people that truly understand what you're going through.

newlysingle posted 8/31/2013 23:44 PM

I would love to attend a BAN group, but the closest one to me is 2 hours away.

Saleschick posted 9/1/2013 00:08 AM

Thank you to everyone for their quick response. We settle on the house we have lived in for 20 years together on Tuesday and I found a Divorce Care group that meets that evening. So I thought the timing might be perfect as I know I will be just a mess on Tuesday.

TrustedHer posted 9/1/2013 00:49 AM

DivorceCare groups are not going to be surprised if you get emotional.

I'm not religious at all, but I respect people who are. They extended the same courtesy to me. There were repeated offers to come to worship with them, and they told me they were praying for me, but I took that as them saying they cared for me. Which they did. They did not pressure me.

As was stated earlier, some groups are probably more pushy than others.

Every DVD they show is based on both bible verses and the experience of hundreds or thousands of people who've done this before. It's best if you go in prepared to take what you need and leave the rest. It won't all apply to you, and you won't have to accept some of the conclusions they reach.

I found the discussion groups to be as valuable as the DVDs. As good as SI is, there is a special connection you get from real live human contact.

inconnu posted 9/1/2013 07:51 AM

I found my local support group on meetup.com. The moderator started it because he did Divorce Care when he was divorcing, and found the discussion group part of it the most helpful. Like TH said, as wonderful as SI is, there's something special about talking to people in real life who are going through something similar. I went to the group regularly for at least a year, then every once in a while for another year. Now, I see get notifications but I haven't been to a meeting in several years. The moderator has had to limit the number of attendees (based on space) and there's usually a waiting list on meetup for the group now.

Abbondad posted 9/1/2013 15:29 PM

Hi,

I also tried to find a BAN group. Unfortunately it was disbanded (no pun intended).

I attend a local divorce/separation support group on occasion. It was there I found a recommendation for an attorney.

I say "occasionally" because, while the people are VERY nice and of course supportive, sometimes I can't bring myself to sit amid such pain. So many of their stories "trump" mine and I leave quite depressed. (Physically abusive marriages, for example, are described by many of them.)

Nobody in my group experienced infidelity, so while they are sympathetic, infidelity is a whole different "animal" as everyone on SI knows.

Whatever you do, don't go this alone. Find a good therapist at least. Good luck!

Saleschick posted 9/4/2013 00:28 AM

I attended my first Divorce Care session tonight. They ask that you try at least 3 sessions. I was amazed how open everyone was (including me). Maybe it was cause our group was small...4 of us plus 2 facilitators. The timing was good too cause we had settlement on our home today which I took hard. Cried at the settlement table. I will go back for next weeks meeting!

getnbtr1 posted 9/4/2013 09:27 AM

I attend a divorce/separation support group I found on meetup.com. I go every week and find it to be an incredible source of support. I have become quite close with some of the other members and we have formed friendships outside of the group. It has been invaluable.