SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

trebleclef posted 9/1/2013 00:01 AM

Now that the divorce is final, I have joined the internet cyber-dating community. I'm still youngish for my age and have lots to give. I think I was an AWESOME wife to an undeserving jerk, and I want another chance.

But OOOoooooo - this is a scary place to be! Ive nearly worn out my "delete" button on the weirdos out there! If I see one more "HotBob" or "Hot FunGramps" or "FunHotMagicFingers" I'm gonna hurl. And what's with the selfies taken in the bathroom with the undies hanging on the shower? Or the grossly overweight dude who's looking for someone who looks good in a bikini? Or the 70 year old profiled as "48" or the nutcase who goes ballistic when you "break up" with him after two emails, or the stalker with no pic or information that views your profile 39 times? Ew. Ew. Ew!

On the other hand, there have been a FEW ( very few, I'm picky) who have some potential, and one right now that I'm swooning over but he lives in another province. *sigh*
And tomorrow I'm going on an all-day travelling date with someone I've never met. I know, it sounds ludicrous, and dangerous, but he is good friends with my cousin and is by all accounts a fine upstanding citizen. Still - taking the bear spray lol.

Gosh - I can't believe I'm here. It's mortifying. THANKS XWH.

timeforchange posted 9/1/2013 04:01 AM

Maybe after a few great dates you will be thanking ex for this opportunity to find new happiness and new love..... I truly hope you do.

9.10.11 posted 9/1/2013 06:22 AM

Don't worry, Trebleclef. Your going to meet people that you think "geez, I wish I would have done better in my marriage." Then you will meet people and think, "wth was I thinking put'n up with the X's crap for soooooo long!" There are alot of good people out there, but sometimes it feel's like finding a needle in a haystack. Then you'll be have a problem with a handfull of needles and it will be hard to choose.

jo2love posted 9/1/2013 09:35 AM

I hope you have a great time! Don't forget to report back.

nowiknow23 posted 9/1/2013 10:09 AM

Hope you have a good time tomorrow, treble. Just remember - you're getting to know someone new. That's all a first date is.

kg201 posted 9/1/2013 10:38 AM

Love the bear spray!!

Good luck. Focus on the activity and not the expectations. "Shoulds" and "coulds" need to be eliminated from your thinking about the date.

I haven't been on a date with anyone but my WW in almost 20 years and won't be ready for some time (dday was 5 weeks ago) but the prospect is nerve wracking.

Good luck.

trebleclef posted 9/2/2013 03:56 AM

Ok - for those of you interested in the soap opera of my date life:

First of all - the good stuff:
Longest first date ever - over thirteen hours. We decided to drive down to a music festival for the day as he is really into music as well and it was a fabulous day out. I thought he looked vaguely familiar - when we actually started talking, we realized we knew each other from junior high and high school. Apparently he had a crush on me in HS, and was crazy in love with my best friend in Jr. high. So we know a ton of the same people, and places, as we grew up in neighboring neighborhoods, as well as having lived our lives in the same town. We have a lot in common - enjoyed singing together as we drove, and catching up on a lifetime of news. The music festival was awesome as I knew it would be. All in all a very comfortable and enjoyable day.

the red flag stuff:
1) A little too full of himself - let me correct that - a one-man fan club. VERY focused on letting me know of all his accomplishments and accumulations and business deals and pending millions and important people he knows and all the good he does in the world and grand lifestyle and top-of-the line homes ( I made sure to throw in at that point that I'm quite happy in my 700sq ft cottage with no dishwasher lol. ) I got treated to hours of cds he had made of himself singing karaoke. Oh - and of all the songs he wrote and paid someone big bucks to produce.

2) Turned out he is divorced because he cheated on his wife. HUGE issue for me given my circumstances, and most particularly because I detected some very disturbingly familiar skewy attitudes in this. Does. Not. Get. It.

3) Not even a teensy shred of chemistry that I could detect on either part. Zippo. Nada. Had a brief friendsy pat-on-the-back at the end and done. Meh.

So after this blow-by-blow you are probably now sorry you asked. Oh well, still a good day

Kajem posted 9/2/2013 05:03 AM

Treble - he doesn't sound 2nd date worthy(the cheating with no remorse would be a relationship halt for me). Is he friend worthy?

I am not dating, nor have I done OLD, I think with that much history in common- maybe you found a friend to attend far away music festivals with?

Hugs
K

trebleclef posted 9/2/2013 17:11 PM

oops - sorry, double post

[This message edited by trebleclef at 5:12 PM, September 2nd (Monday)]

trebleclef posted 9/2/2013 17:11 PM

K - I think you are right. Facebook friends and a concert pal. Oh - and I have a CD of his self-written,self-sung, self-produced music to boot lol.

On the other hand - interesting developments on the "Mr. Swoon In The Next Province" front, with possible eminent meeting on the horizon

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 9/2/2013 18:15 PM

Wow. He sure was throwing a bunch of NPD red flags on that date!

Best of luck with Mr. Swoon!

JustDone posted 9/2/2013 18:18 PM

Glad you're home, safe & sound.

At least you didn't have to use your can of whoop ass.

trebleclef posted 9/2/2013 20:19 PM

JustDone - BWAHAHAHHHHAHAA!